


The Truth And Nothing But The Truth

by Robronfan79



Category: Aaron/Robert Emmerdale
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-23 14:12:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 41
Words: 43,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6118928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robronfan79/pseuds/Robronfan79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron's story in a different way, taken meanly from Roberts POV and third party</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dirty and Ashamed

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to follow, hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1 – Dirty And Ashamed

 

The back room as quiet except for the low voices coming from the bar next door, Aaron sat slowly down on the sofa. 'Just a quick sit down before I go and pack some stuff from upstairs' he thought, still weak from the hospital. His mind wondered thinking about going to his room and getting the razor in the Chester draws out, just one more to ease the noise in his head, no he thought I have promised Robert no more, the temptation beckoned in his head over and over. He was so zoned out that he didn't hear the door open behind him and the foot steps that followed.

“Son” Startled by the voice he turned to see Gordon standing there his face full of fury starring at him, he wanted to run but knew he didn't have the strength. Straining to stand up he moved towards the door to the back door as fast as he could, but his mum came bounding in.

Chas ran up throwing her arms around him, every part of him hurt as she did, hugging her back closing his eyes trying not to show it.

“Where have you been, you.....you took your passport, I was really worried.” The concern in her voice clear. 

Aaron's could feel his blood begin to boil, full of hate and fear. “I see he's still here!” e spat at out at Chas , she released him from their embrace. Explaining how they had both been worried about him not knowing here he was, if he was OK

“Causing trouble for your mum, she's been worried sick about you lad” Gordon chimed in, in that ever so nice tone, his body language said different. “Let me talk to him Chas, I can get him back in line.”

Those words rang around Aaron's head, fear gripped him, he was back to being that frightened little boy again. Instantly holding onto his mum for dear life, pulling her close whispering 'Don't leave me with him mum , please don't'. Chas laughed and smiled at him loosening herself from him.

“He only wants to talk to you love, he's your dad he won't hurt you.” Not seeing the fear in her son's eyes she stroked down his arm before heading back in the bar.

“Now then, tell me what's this is all about son, your mum says your attitude stinks, ye violent, moody and she doesn't deserve that. She deserves to be happy.” All the time walking towards Aaron , making him walk backwards until he felt the kitchen counter against his back. Slowly Aaron slid down, sitting in a ball shaking, Gordon leaned over him . his face was so close to Aaron he could feel his breath on his ear, smiling he said.

“I know ye gay, so this punishment you might enjoy” laughing he continued. “but then again , I . don't. Think. so.” The low whispering tone sent shivers down Aaron's spine. Gordon's smile faded as he lowered his hand, grabbing Aaron by his jacket pulling him up.

*************

Aaron awoke startled, sweat running down his face, his eyes franticly search to see where he was. 'The hospital, I'm in the hospital. It was just a dream' he thought taking in several deep breaths as he curled into a ball and began to cry. The dreams had started again when he first saw Gordon again, steadily getting worse. He wanted him gone, wanted all the viscous memory’s to disappear with him.

He jumped and curled up even more, panicking as the hand touched his shoulder looking quickly to see who was there.

“Aaron are you OK?” the nurse asked softly, he just nodded, still curled up, he'd stopped crying but couldn't move. He just lay there starring at the wall, the nurse quietly walked around , sat on the chair facing Aaron, reaching out to touch his hand. Aaron whole body tightened at the touch, the nurse retracted it seeing the reaction from him.

“Aaron......Aaron,” Aaron shifted his view to look at her. “ It's been three nights now you've been like this, there are people here who can help you, if you talk to them . It doesn't how much or how little you want to say to them, they will listen” Aaron shook his head to answer her, he had felt dirty and ashamed when he had told Robert, talking to a complete stranger would send him over the edge, he had to handle this on his own. He lay there like that until finally his eyes began to lower sending him to sleep.


	2. Do It For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert urges Aaron to talk

Chapter 2 – Do It For You

 

Robert walked through the doors to the ward, a cup of coffee in each hand, nodding the same hello's to the staff as he had done for days now. As he headed to room 3, Aaron's room a hand stopped him just past the nurses station, the nurse looked concerned telling him they would like a word with him in private.

Wh........what's happened is Aaron OK, he's not getting any worse is he, please....please tell me the treatment is working ?“ Pan nick rushed through him, he didn't know what to do.

“ The Doctors on his way, we just need to have a quick chat.” Claire the day nurse said slowly to reassure Robert. It must have been about ten minutes before the Doctor arrived.

“ Mr Sugdan” Robert looked at her tilting his head, she smiled.”Robert, the cut is healing nicely, but I'm concerned about Aaron's state of mind” She paused slightly worrying Robert even more. “ How he got the cuts concern us”

He could feel the anger build up in him, “ Well it doesn't take a genius to work that out does it” he snapped.

She lowered herself into the chair next to him, placing her hand on his arm. “Have you noticed any changes in his behaviour lately?”

Robert blinked and looked at the floor, not sure what to say next.” He's become distant and quiet, he.....he has taken to wearing tops all the time for a while now. I should have noticed it before now, but he's always been self con sous about the scars on his stomach.” Robert said telling a half lie to the Doctor.

“It's not just the cuts, Aaron has been having nightmares, leaving him shaken. We would like a member of our mental health team to talk to him, but he is refusing to” she fell silent again before saying. “We were wondering if you could try to get him to talk to them, I don't think he will be able to go home until we can assess whether he likely to hurt himself again.”

“He won't I'll make sure of it, trust me he won't leave my sight.” A shock Robert replied. “I'll talk to him” he said nodding head. They all left the office, but before going to Aaron Robert went and got two new coffee's.

*****************

“You don't have to come in every day ye know, it's not like I'm going anywhere soon” Aaron's gruff voice said to Robert, god he sounded tired thought Robert to himself, his soul sinking slightly.

“Nothing better to do, oh and if they ask you I'm your boyfriend it's the only way I could come in.” He said smirking, all Aaron was laugh and smile at the thought of Robert using the B word. “Sooo.... how did you sleep?”

“Al right I suppose” Aaron shrugged lie-in.

Robert placed the coffee down near Aaron, trying to figure out how to approach the subject without being pushed away by him.

“Thanks the stuff in here's crap man” He said lifting the coffee and taking a sip before replacing on the table.

Robert sighed looking down at his coffee cup “Have you thought about what your going to do when you get out of here, where you going to stay? What you going to tell ye mum?”

Aaron looked away from Robert “I told ye, as soon as I'm better I'm leaving, the pub, Emmerdale and I'm not coming back, I.......I can't stay.” He answered closing his eyes, a tear rolling down one side. He didn't want to leave, he loved his mum, loved the village and even loved Robert in some nut ball sort of way.

Robert looked hurt. He gulped “You know their going to want you to talk to someone before you leave.” leaving out the part where they are going to assess him for his own safety. “And I don't think they mean a quick chat, they only want to help you Aaron.” Robert reached out and held his hand trying to make him understand “Aaron look at me” Aaron turned to face him, looking straight into his blue/green eyes. “Please Aaron talk to someone, you said it your self that when you first started cutting, tha.....that it helped. Please. Please not for me, do it for you and your mum, she loves you to bits.”

Aaron lay on the bed staring at his on/off lover, listening to what he was saying, but trying not look like he was. Their link broke with the sound of the door opening. The tall woman with mousey brown hair entered, notes in hand.

“Dr. Bailey” Robert said nodding hello.

“Aaron can we have a chat, your partner can stay if you wish.”

Aaron shot Robert a look, telling him to go without saying a word.

“I'll go” Robert said “I could do with another coffee anyway.” He looked back giving Aaron a little smile. “ I'll bring you back a sandwich.”


	3. Scars

Chapter 3 – Scars

 

Egg mayo, BLT, piri-piri chicken, tune, Robert scanned the range of sandwich's before him trying to find the one he was looking for, got it ham and cheese, Aaron wasn't a fussy eater give him a pizza or a ham and cheese sandwich and he was happy. Well as happy as he could be at the moment. Robert's thought about the week they spent together at Home Farm, he had got him to try a number of new foods, smiling at himself as he remembered how Aaron just scoffed at him after trying them, all he'd said was 'keep is simple and I'm happy' . His thoughts vied off in another direction, to what Aaron had told him about his dad, how could anyone do that to their own son let alone any child, and Aaron had bottled all that up pushing to the back of his mind for so long. It explained a lot, why he was so distant, angry, so closed off at times. He could feel his eyes well up, closed them tightly taking deep breaths so not to cry. He had to be strong for him.

Blinking once, twice to focus his eyes he grabbed the sandwich and headed for the coffee machine, hitting the button after putting the cup in place, repeating the action for a second cup. The aisle up to the till was filled with magazines, screening them he found one about cars and rearranged his hands to pick it up so he could hold the magazine and sandwich under his arm. All the time not noticing the familiar face behind him. After paying he headed back to Aaron's room, who was laying the bed whilst a Claire changed the dressing on his arm.

“Ham and cheese al right , got you something to read as well.”

 

“You know I wish had a boyfriend as sweet as you.” Claire said smiling between them, Robert smiled back at her. Aaron barely looked at both of them, his eyes seemed far away, escaping everything that was going through his head.

 

About an hour later Aaron still wasn't saying much, so Robert said he would be back later and that he would find away of getting him some of his own clothes, as he had been in a hospital gown for days and headed back to the pub

 

*****************

 

The bar was busy when he walked in . Chas set a pair of evil eyes on him as he went straight past her in the direction of Diana.

“Hi Diana, how's it going?” he asked.

“Back room now” Swiftly turning on her heels and walking through to the back room, Robert followed confused.

When they got in there Diana started to pace back and forth, searching her thoughts.

“Why were you at the hospital today?” A stunned Robert looked on, he had been so careful not to be seen by anyone or so he thought.

 

“I had a check up that's all, I had bit of chest pain last week. Just thought I'd be on the safe side.” he gave her a small smile.

“DO YOU NOT THINK WE'VE GOT ENOUGH GOING ON!” Diana shouted at him before continuing in a low whisper. “Aaron's disappeared of the face off the planet and now your not telling me important stuff about yourself, are you OK?” the concern on her face easy to see, he had to think of something to ease her mind.

“Look I didn't want to worry you, you've got your own treatment to think about, you don't need to worry about a simple check up.” Her face lightened now. “and as for Aaron I'm sure he'll be fine.” He said pulling her in for a hug, closing his eyes. Robert asked her to put the kettle on while he ran to the loo, then he would tell her all about it.

By-passing the bathroom Robert headed straight for Aaron's room, ruffled through some draws filling clothes, toiletries into a bag. He pulled open the underwear draw, lifted some stuff out of it only to be shocked by what he saw, the shine of the blades, some unused others with dry blood on them. Trying not to take so long he tried to forget what he had just seen, closed the draw and went to the bathroom, flushed the toilet then walking down the stairs. Placing the bag on the floor before going to Diana.

“Now what do you want to know?” He asked smiling as she passed him the hot drink.

********************

 

Robert watched Aaron finally drift off to sleep, turning the telly off and got himself comfy, well as comfy as you could get in a hospital chair and covered himself up in the blanket the nurse had given him.

He'd come in hours earlier , passed Aaron the bag, Aaron had asked him to leave whilst he got changed, Robert just smirked telling him that it wasn't anything he had seen before and that he had seen the new marks earlier that week when he brought him in. The old scars across his stomach he was used to seeing, but the numerous new ones over his upper torso shocked him, he had only seen them for a split second the other day. The short sharp slices looked like they had been done in such urgency, there was an ache in his heart as he thought about how Aaron must have felt about himself and everything going on and not feeling like he could not speak to anyone about it.

Aaron had found he could relax more in his own clothes, he had argued with Robert telling him that he didn't need to stay, but Robert being the stubborn bastard he is refused only to pull a pack of playing cards out of his pocket, he had suggested strip poker , making Aaron laugh and relax for a while. A ll Aaron hoped was that he didn't dream tonight.


	4. Never Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert helps Aaron through a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying

Chapter 4- Never Let Me Go 

 

A muffled voice woke Robert up, rubbing his eyes as he sat up from is slumped position on the chair to focus. Looking over he could see Aaron tossing and turning, mumbling words in his sleep.

Aaron was thrown against the table, his dad gripping his wrists.

“I'll be good, I promise, please don't do this” Aaron begged, his dad clawing at his clothes to punish him for whatever he had done this time.

 

“PLEASE I'LL BE GOOD” The word screamed from Aaron's throat as he fought in his sleep.

Robert ran to the bed lightly shaking him whispering his name, Aaron's eyes shot open, sweat running down his face as the tears streamed down also. His chest heavy finding it hard to breath.

“DON'T COME NEAR ME, LEAVE ME ALONE DAD, PLEASE”

Robert held onto Aaron not letting go, gently rocking him back and forth whispering in his ear 'It's me, it's Robert, everything going to be OK, it was just a dream'. Aaron tightened around Robert not letting go for dear life, tears flowing from both of them.

“Never let me go” whispered Aaron through the sobs.

“I'll never let you go, I love you” Robert whispered back.

*******************

 

The door opened slowly, she saw the two men laying in each others arms on the bed, she walked over quietly tapping Robert on the shoulder, his eyes blinking as woke to see the nurse smiling at him, tilting her head as to say time to leave him be.

The two left the room allowing Aaron to sleep, looking back Robert smiled. He looked at the time, 4am god he was tired, they walked over to the nurses station and sat down. She watched Robert as he ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his face.

“I heard the cries, but I saw you with him and how you handled it, so I left you until he was back in a deep sleep.” The nurse said to Robert who was still dazed from the effect the dream had had on Aaron. “This is the longest he's slept since he came in” she paused before continuing “I don't know why he has done this to himself, but we need to get him to talk to us.”

“I promised I wouldn't say” A lump forming in his throat as he said it.

She gave him a knowing nod. “I'll make us a drink, you look like you could do with one, did you get much sleep yourself?” she asked.

Sat in silence Robert shook his head, he had just lay there whispering to Aaron that everything was going to be OK until he was sure he was asleep, only then did he close his eyes. They sat there, Robert playing with the cup in his hands, the nurse looking at him wanting to ask questions.

 

***********************

Aaron starred a few hours later, patting the bed feeling for Robert, he glimpst over to see him curled up in the chair next to him, a blanket wrapped around him.

“Robert” He whispered.

His eyes opened to the sound of his name, Aaron lay looking at him. H moved over to sit on the edge,leaning his hand in to reach Aaron, he reached out and took it gently.

“Thank you” He whispered.

Robert leaned in closer “You can thank me by talking to someone” Aaron looked at him , finally replying that he would try before closing his eyes again to sleep.


	5. Who's That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has a surprise

Chapter 5 – Who's That 

 

Robert's vision blurred in front of him as he strained to keep himself awake, through the blurriness he could see Aaron watching him, he blinked a few tomes to clear up what he was seeing. Aaron lay on his side on the bed a half smile on his face.

“You need to go and get some sleep Robert” exclaimed Aaron, a small smile spread across Robert's face saying that he was fine, in truth he wasn't he didn't want to leave Aaron alone for a second. Fearful that he would walk out the hospital for a second time. “No your not, you look shattered mate, you need to get your head down. I'm not going anywhere I promise.” It was like Aaron could read his mind.

After a bit more persuasion from Aaron Robert gave in telling him he would be back later, the only response from Aaron was a nod as Robert left,

 

*********************

 

Victoria and Diane stood outside the pub waiting on a delivery, speculating on what could be up with Robert.

“I'm worried” Victoria said “he's not been right for days, I don't think he's been sleeping, and didn't come home at all last night. He can't still be upset about you selling to Gordon and not him could he?” she said looking up at her step-mum.

 

Diane went to answer, stopping as she saw Robert pull up near them. They watched as he wiped his eyes before getting out of the car, they could see the redness surrounding his eyes as if.........

“ Have you been crying “ Vic shouted over to her brother. Robert closed his eyes composing his thoughts before he spoke.

“Look it's been a long night, I need a shower and some sleep.” Searching his pocket double checking then, yep he had defiantly left them at the hospital. “I left my keys at...... Vic could I use yours and I will get mine back later.” waiting for the on onslaught of questions.

“Left them where? What's her name …. or his?” Vic asked suspiciously, they didn't hurt you did they, Robert are you OK?”.

“ Keys please Vic, I'm not in the mood” his hand out stretched waiting as Vic searched her pockets for her house keys.

 

*******************

Turning the shower on Robert stripped himself off of the clothes he had been wearing for the past 24 hours, looking at himself in the mirror. He felt the smooth skin of his upper torso, he couldn't imagine how much pain Aaron must have been going through to hurt himself like that, closing his eyes breathing deeply trying to not to think about the cuts and burn marks scattered across Aaron's chest. Opening them searching the mirror for answers before stepping into the shower.

He raised his head , allowing the water to rain over his face, he could feel his eyes well up again, leaning against the tiled wall he slide down crying as the flowing water hit him from above. He could do this here, in a room on his own, not around others, they didn't know about any of it and not around Aaron, he had to be strong for him, not the whimpering mess he felt inside. 

After Robert slept for a couple of hours, waking every so often from seeing Aaron having a nightmare, finally he'd given up on sleep. Got up. Got dressed and headed back to the pub to give Vic her keys back before gong to retrieve his from the hospital.

 

“Robert are what's wrong, your worrying me now?” the concern radiating from her.

“Vic, I'm fine I promise. I've got to go.” Robert gave her a kiss on the cheek trying to reassure her, got in the car and drove off.

 

********************

 

Looking through the glass, Robert could see a man with short brown curly hair sat in the chair next to Aaron, they were talking, well the man was talking anyway Aaron looked up like he was searching for something on the ceiling taking deep breaths in occasionally as he listened. Back tracking to the nurses desk he asked who was in with Aaron.

“That's Tom, he's with our mental health liaison team, Aaron asked to speak to someone.” Robert smiled as the nurse touched his arm, “It's early days yet, but he'll get there in his own time.”

Robert told the nurse that he must have dropped his house keys last night whilst he was in there, if it as at all it was possible to retrieve them, he'd leave them in peace after.


	6. He Does It Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron opens up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this, it means alot to me

Chapter 6 – He Does It Anyway

 

“When your dreaming you mention your Dad, you seem to be fighting........”

The sound of the door opening stopped Tom midway through what he was saying, the nurse quietly apologised and explained about Roberts keys. Aaron picked them up from bedside table, went to hand them to her, pausing for a second before clenching them in his fist, taking a deep breath.

“Tell him he can come in” he really wanted Robert here, he didn’t know if he could do this on his own. “I …..if that's all right?” Aaron asked looking over towards Tom, still no making eye contact.

“If you feel more comfortable with him here then yes, he can come in. If you want him to leave at any time you just have to say.” Tom answered.

The nurse nodded leaving them to speak to Robert, when he entered he sat on the end of the bed, placing his hand on Aaron's leg letting him know he was there for him no matter what.

Tom continued rewarding what he had said before. “The staff have observed that you fight in your sleep, you are speaking to your Dad hen you do, can you tell me about your dreams? Only answer if your can, take all the time you need if you feel you can answer.” Tom's tone was calm as he spoke.

Aaron's eyes clouded over, lost in thought , he didn't know how to put it into words, fear gripped him like a vice. It took about ten minutes taking deep breaths to will the words out. Taking one last deep breath in before exhaling. Eyes still closed he answered the whimper in his voice clear to the two other men in the room.

“He's hurting me” Tom went to speak again but Aaron continued “ I keep telling him that I'll be good from now on, he has hold of my wrists, I........I can't move, can't fight him off” He is gripping his left wrist tight as he spoke. “But it doesn't make a difference he does it anyway, I can't stop him.” Tears rolled down his face the memories all to visible to him.

Robert understood now, he realised why Aaron reacted to him holding his wrists when they were together, the fear in his eyes. He would panic slightly, after couple of times he had stopped doing it allowing his arm to be free to roam where ever he pleased.' God 'Robert thought, 'what did I remind him of', he was pulled out of his thoughts with the touch of Aaron's hand on his on his, looking up to see him looking at him, he had to take a deep breath to keep the tears from his eyes. He gave Aaron a small apologetic smile.

An hour gone by, Tom asked simple questions so not to push Aaron to far, he had found out that Aaron's Dad had hurt him in some way from the age of eight and it had been systematic until he was fourteen.

“Now I'm going to ask you this question, remember you don't have to answer if you 

 

don't feel comfortable, it's up to you.”

Aaron nodded, the tears had all but dried up, his eyes red and saw, still holding on to Robert's hand for support. He breathed deeply knowing what was coming next.

“You said you Dad is hurting you, can you tell me how he is hurting you?” Tom had noticed from the time he had began to talk to Aaron that every time he mentioned the word Dad that Aaron would flinch not wanting to hear the word, throughout he had tried not to use unless he had to.

The room had become silent, Robert thinking 'please Aaron, just say it'. He could feel Aaron grip his hand more tightly now as he spoke.

“He …............. he's” Aaron stopped and gulped taking in a sharp breath, he looked at Robert who nodded, as if to say 'you can do this'. “When he's hurting me …...... he..... he's” there was a long silence whilst he tied to build up the courage to to say the words he knows he needed to say, he wanted to scream it but there was always something stopping him. Taking another deep breath he finally reached the words he had only been able to say to Robert. “He …... he …..he's raping me” The tears began to flow again, Aaron turned his face into the pillow beneath him, he didn't want anyone seeing him like this.

Tom could see that Aaron would not be able to carry on talking today, saying that he thought that they had spoken enough for today and he would like to see him again tomorrow if Aaron would allow him. Aaron's answer was a simple nod, he could not form words right now even if he wanted to.

After Tom had left Robert moved up the bed scooping Aaron into his arms. He expected to be rejected by Aaron but he sank his head into Robert's chest crying. They stayed like that for nearly an hour, Robert rocking him back and forth, not a word spoken between them.

 

The silence was broken by Aaron telling Robert he would be fine on his own, that he wanted to be alone, even though he thought it was a bad idea Robert agreed and left for home. Stopping for a second to look at him through the window, Aaron had curled himself into a ball again. Robert banged his head against the wall he was leaning on, allowing the tears to leave his eyes, at this moment he didn't care who saw him. Wiping them away he headed towards the exit, the nurse stopping him on his way to give him some leaflets Tom had left him and to see if he was OK.

“I'm fine” he said with a small smile. “Keep an eye on him, if anything happens and he needs me...... ring me and I will be straight in” she said she would, he felt a little better with that and left to go home.


	7. Silence Is Deafening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron comes home from hospital

Chapter 7 – Silence Is Deafening

 

Sometime silence can be peaceful, sometimes deafening, this was deafening, my thoughts playing over and over through my mind. 

“I can go in with you, if you want me to?. Or get a hotel for you if your not read.” Robert said breaking the silence, glancing over at Aaron who seemed lost in his own world.

We'd been sat in the car for what felt like forever behind the pub, not a word had been spoken between us the whole journey back from the hospital. Aaron had rang me around two telling me he was being discharged. I ran around trying to find my car keys, only to find them in my pocket. ' Get your head together Robert' I thought to myself, arriving at three to pick him up.

Aaron starred at the back door, his mind going into over drive, his mum would be pushing for answers. ' where have you bin', 'you where with him weren't ye'. He sighed, taking a deep breath “I need to do this myself” his voice low and unsure, I nodded giving him a reassuring smile.

“What time is your appointment on Thursday?”

“Three o'clock, you don't have to come with me, if you don't want too. It's too much to ask of you” Aaron's eyes looked sad, as to say please come with me I can't do this on my own.

“ Aaron..... Aaron look at me” Aaron lifted his head to my eye level, unshed tears in them “I'll pick you up at two, at the scrap yard, your not on your own, not while I'm here. If you need me just call day or night. OK .” Aaron closed his eyes nodding his response, said thanks and left the car. I watched him take few more deep breaths before opening the door and entering.

 

**************************

“What the fuck have you done now!” Victoria yelled as she slammed the front door behind her. Robert sat on the sofa staring at his phone his mind wondering if Aaron was OK.

“ROBERT” Vic pushed his shoulder bringing him out of it. Stunned , he suddenly turned to see his younger sister seething at him.

“I'm tired Vic, leave me alone.” My voice low.

“Oh yeah, so what you used and abused him again, tired from your fuck fest with Aaron. Now your leaving him alone to face the music, it's world war three over there.” He had never seen his sister like this before. So angry and spiteful, her words replayed in my head, realising what she had just screamed at me.

“What Vic, I don't know what you on about, I haven't been with Aaron like that for ages” My voice shaking as the words came out, I had to know what was happening, needed to know if Aaron was OK. If he was pushed to far he didn't know what he would do, my mind went back to the night at the quarry, the vacant look in Aaron's eyes, he was capable of anything. “Vic calm down and tell me what your talking about.”

“Oh like you don't know, he disappears for day and so do you, and where here you were off in your own world. They've bin screaming at each other for hours, WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE?” Vic screamed at me once again.

Standing up quickly, I turned putting my hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. “Who's been screaming Vic, Aaron and Chas?, Vic calm down and tell me slowly”. My mind racing , what the hell was going on over there.

Vic calmed a little, but her tone was still filled with anger “Yes Aaron and Chas, Gordon too.”

Vic saw the my eyes turn from worry to panic, wildly searching for something. Gordon was there, God no, I have to get over there, grabbing my keys I ran.

“Robert!” Vic shouted as I slammed the door behind me, running as fast as I could down Main street to the pub, not caring who I knocked into as I ran.


	8. Paedophile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has a run in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some homophobic words in this one, I don't mean to affend.

Chapter 8 – Paedophile

 

The Woolpack went to a sudden hush as the door banged opened against the wall, as I panicked searching for Diane, who stood behind the preoccupied behind the bar. Running to the hatch I barged into someone knocking their drink out of their hand.

“Running to your little boyfriend” an angry tone said.

Turning to the familiar voice, my only reply was to snap “Shut up Chrissie!” Reaching the hatch I was stopped by Diane holding her hands out. Everyone in the bar could hear muffled shouts coming from the back room, I had to get in there before anything happened to Aaron or worse he did something stupid, knowing the frame of mind Aaron was in he could be capable of murder at this point.

“Let me through Diane” I pleaded with my step-mum panic in my voice, she didn't need to speak a word, her face said it all.

From the muffled shouts came a scream of pain, I had to get in there, swiftly pushing Diane into the bar, I didn't mean to knock her over as I bolted to the door and opened it.

 

*******************

 

Aaron -

It seemed like hours that I had had the onslaught of questions from mum, I'd yelled back a few answers at her, but once Gordon had injected his opinion all I could do was stare at him seething with hatred, wanting say something, anything but the words would not leave my mouth. It was like they where choking me.

“You where with him weren't you?” mum repeated again “ What not happy that me and your dad are back together, so..... so what you run to Robert fucking Sugdon, he's bad news and you know it.” Chas spat at me.

Gordon walked closer holding his arms out to touch me, flinching I backed up fear and loathing filling through me. “ Answer your mum when she speaks to you son” he had that look in his eyes that I remembered all to well. “ Answer her or I'll have to put you back in to line myself!”

My breathing quickened, fist clenched, I didn't want him anywhere near me, I wanted him dead, my dad, I want my dad dead and if it came to it I'd do it myself right now. Feeling the anger and hatred boiling up within me I swung my arm to punch him still weak from the hospital my reflexes were slow, causing me to a near miss. 

He grabbed my arm right on the infected cut and squeezed tightly, pain ran through my body sending my to my knees, tears poured from my eyes, a scream of pain loudly escaped from my mouth. At that moment the door opened, a fist came out of nowhere forcing Gordon's hand to realise my arm and very roughly hit the floor behind him. 

 

**********************

 

Robert -

Aaron was on his cradling his arm, tears flowing down his face, I knelt next to him slowly as not to frighten him. “Aaron....... Aaron.” I spoke softly, glancing over every so often to keep an eye on Gordon's movements “ are you OK?”

Aaron stayed where he was, shaking, his head facing the floor. Lowering me head to see his face when he finally spoke. There was a void of vacancy in his eyes “ It's like I'm ba....back there in my bedroom, w....w....waiting to be punished” it was a low whimpering tone that only I could hear, my heart sank with every word he said.

I slowly guided him up to his feet, he was still shaking, his eyes wide. My attention was drawn back to Gordon, who was laying on the floor holding his hands to his face, Chas asking him if he was OK. “ YOU. You made his life hell, eight years old.......... and you did that, your a monster.” I screamed at him.

Chas gasped standing quickly, looking in shock at Aaron, to Gordon and finally to me, repeating the action a few times “What are you talking about, Aaron wh.... what is he talking about?” her voice shaking as she asked.

I was so angry, still holding on to Aaron I pointed at Gordon screaming at him “ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HER!”

I was pulled out of my fury to concern by Aaron. “Robert..... Robert” his voice whimpering as his legs began to buckle beneath him, pulling my arms around him tighter to support his weight. I saw that the cut had started to bleed again, I removed one of my arms quickly, picking up his bag, knowing his medication was in there from the sofa before replacing it around Aaron.

“I'm going to get you out of here” I whimpered to him “can you walk for me?” Aaron nodded slowly. We headed for the back door, Aaron nearly slipping as we walked. Only to be stopped by Gordon. 

“Leaving with or faggot boyfriend are you, we haven't finished yet!” We came to a Holt, Gordon stood in front of the door, his eyes full of hatred. “What ever he's saying he's it's a lie, I would never....never do that to my own son!”

I started to back away with Aaron, whimpering to him that we would have to go through the bar to get out, he just nodded.

 

***************************

A shocked silence waved over the bar as they entered, Chrissie, Eric and all the others in there seeing a broken Aaron being helped by me. We made are way to the other side of the bar, the crowd moving aside to let us through, Diane looking on worried.

“Come back here you faggots!” Gordon screamed at us as he entered the bar, followed by a confused Chas.

At this point we were headed through the door to leave.

“Better that than a paedophile” I snapped back before I could think about what I was saying.


	9. Bang, Bang, Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert takes Aaron back to his

Chapter 9 -Bang,Bang,Bang

Chas, a woman not short of words, stood in shock, not speaking. The words she just heard repeating in her head over and over, 'better that than a paedophile', thinking about Aaron, how he had been lately. His mood swings, anger and worse of all quiet, oh so quiet, what had he done to her son. Was Robert right, she saw red, glaring at Gordon, but all the things she wanted to say would not come out.

The sound of the bell ringing startled her as an equally shocked Diane asked everyone to leave. Chrissie came over to the two women wanting to know what was going on, she had never seen Robert like that, was this one of his and Aaron's games to hurt more people.

************************************

 

BANG.BANG,BANG,

Vic jumped at the impatient noise coming from the front door, she ran over and opened it to see Robert holding onto Aaron for dear life, his head low with tears falling freely from his eyes.

“Vic, help me get him up stairs” Robert said out of breath, Aaron flinched as Victoria touched him “Aaron it's only Vic, she's going to help you, your safe here” I said softly so he would allow Vic to help.

Vic held onto the other side of Aaron taking one step at a time until they reached my room, sitting him down slowly on the bed, he was shaking badly now, his body had become a dead weight. I knelt down in front him, touching his chin with one of my fingers, he flinched again so I quickly removed the touch. Whilst a Vic looked on shocked and confused.

“Wh.....what happened Robert, wh...”

“Go don stairs and make a cup of tea for him, I'll be down soon to get it” She stood there unable to move from the sight of her friend “Vic please?” she turn and left them alone. I stayed in the same place until Aaron's breathing had relaxed a bit.

“Aaron....... Aaron it's OK, your safe here. I need to go get something and I will be straight back, is that OK?” A slight nod from Aaron gave him the go ahead to leave.

************************************

 

I sprinted down the stairs two steps at a time, ignoring Vic's calls to me and went straight to the kitchen, quickly finding the cupboard I needed and started throwing everything out of it until I reached the first aid box. My blood still boiling from what had just happened,

Victoria had followed me, seeing the state I was in she put her hand on my back to slow me down.

 

“Rob, what happened?” she asked trying to keep calm.

I could barely hear her words, trying to make sense of why I screamed that out in front of the entire pub. “Why did I say that....... why.... he's going to hate me” Vic came down to my level now, she could see that I was shaking.

“What did you do to your hand Rob, come and sit down and I'll see to it.” I looked down to see my knuckles red and swollen from where I hit Gordon, but that wasn't important at the moment, I had to look at Aaron's arm, make sure that was OK first.

“Nothing I'm fine. Sorry Vic I didn't know where else to bring him...... did you make that brew?” she nodded over to the table saying that she put extra sugar in it, I was still shaking, the shock of the evening setting in. Victoria put her arm around my shoulders.

“Please Rob..............tell me what happened, why is Aaron in such a state?”

Aaron, on hearing his name I became focused again. “Sorry Vic, I need to get back to him.” With that I hurried back up the stairs with the cup and the first aid box. All Victoria could do was watch, before grabbing her phone to ring Adam, if anyone might know her husband might.


	10. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of people asking questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have done this chapter from Chas, Victoia and Roberts veiw

Chapter 10 – Confusion

 

Chas-

I watched Diane standing there, the confused look on her face, trying to register the words her step-son had said, she looked at me and then to Gordon.

“I......I.......I'll leave you two to talk” she said before leaving to go up stairs.

I needed answers, staring at Gordon, but I still can't find the words, I step closer to, anger and confusion building within me, I couldn't tell if he was worried or guilty about hat was said.

“What.......”

Gordon cut me off “What ever he has told him, it's lies. I would never........never to that to my own son, let alone any child. He....he just wants to come between us. All because I kicked him out all those years ago. If I could only talk to him, make him see sense, then we can be together as a family again, that's what we both want isn't it?” His tone was sincere , but I could have sworn I heard a hit of nervousness in there as well.

Gordon walked over to me, put his arms around me, I froze, I couldn't move, I needed to talk to Aaron before anything.

“Get out” I whispered “ I need time to think.”

 

**********************************

 

Victoria -

I sat in the living room, no lights on, the darkness surrounding me. I had rang Adam half an hour ago, but it had gone straight to voice mail, not knowing what to say I had just ended the call. I'm trying to fathom what going on, I've never seen Aaron like this, not even after Jackson. He was so withdrawn and the pain in his eyes.

“Vic, is everything OK with Diane? The pubs closed early.” I ran over to my husband and wrapped my arms around him burying my head into his chest. “Hey, in one of those moods” he said with a big smile on his face. I glared at him, he stopped doing the silly little dance he was doing, seeing that I had been crying, all I could do was point up stairs.

I put a finger to my lips, indicting for him to be quiet and lead him to Robert's room, all we could hear from the room was a low whispering and muffled cries.

Adam reached out, pushing the door open, to see Aaron curled up in a ball, his head on Roberts lap crying, whilst Robert stroked down his arm whimpering ' it will be OK, I'm here, no ones gong to hurt you'. Adam closed the door before they knew that they had been seen, turning to me with a questioning look, I nodded back down stairs and he followed me quietly.

“Vic, what's going on?”

“I don't know, he's a mess Adam” I started to cry again as he held me.

 

********************************

 

Robert -

I rubbed my eyes, making my way down stairs, Adam and Victoria sat on the sofa staring at me, Victoria's eyes red from crying, concern written on both their faces.

It had taken awhile for Aaron to allow me to clean and redress his arm, afterwards I just rocked him gently, stroking his arm. He had curled up into a ball beside me, his head on my lap, I had been reassuring him the whole time, whimpering to him until he finally cried himself to sleep.

“What's going on Robert, why is Aaron in such a state?” A panicked Adam asked.

I looked at him, my eyes feeling red and tired, blinking a few times before I walked to the freezer, taking out a bag of frozen peas, then sitting at the dinning table. Wincing as I placed the peas on my knuckles.

“He had an argument at home, I had to get him out of there, this was the first place I thought of, sorry.” I said to Adam as I looked down at my hand.

“And your hand?” Vic pointed to the bag of peas covering my hand.

“Hit someone”

“Who?” Adam yelled.

“GORDON!” I spat out bitterly.


	11. The Plan For Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I put this one up earlier by mistake, but I've corrected it

Chapter 11 – The Plan For Now

 

Victoria and Adam had just come in from work, Vic had told Chas that Aaron was here, due to her hammering on the door demanding to see him, it had taken me nearly an hour outside to convince to give him some space, she also demanded the reason why I had said what I said the night before. I lied and told her that I made it up in anger, I don't know if she believed it or not but I would rather have her hating right now, rather than throwing questions in Aaron's direction. She relented and agreed that she would for now.

I finally got Aaron to come out of my room and try and eat something, it was only toast but at least it was something. We spoke for a bit, not about last night, but we came up with a plan for now. I took a deep breath as I sat in front of Vic and Adam, it was time to fill them in and see they would go along with it also. Aaron hadn't wanted to be here for this, so he stayed in my room as I talked to them.

“Aaron had a physical altercation with his dad, he doesn't feel safe at the pub right now.” I lied, well a half truth really “He would like to know if he could stay here for a bit while he wraps his head around it, if that's OK with the two of you?” I looked at them both waiting for their response.

“Robert, Diane told me what you said in the pub, is ….....is that true?” I hated lying to my sister but it was for the best at the moment.

“ I said it out of anger, I know I shouldn't of but the things he was calling us were horrible.” I closed my eyes, looking down, hoping she would believe me.

“So how will we do this then?” Adam asked, I could tell that he hadn't believed a word that I had said. 

“Well, I've looked into a lock up for my car,....... “ I looked at Adam now “ when it gets dark could you take my car to it, I'll give you the taxi fare to get back?” Adam nodded “ after that all we need to do, well the two of you is to tell people that we have gone away for a while. We won't leave the house at all.” my thoughts carried on as I spoke. “and you'll have to keep people away from here as well. I'll you texts Vic everyday so you can show Chas so she knows Aaron is fine.” There was a long silence between us “Well what do you think, will you do it?”

Vic looked at Adam for a few seconds and they both nodded, later that evening Adam got back from dropping my car off, Vic sat in the living room watching telly Aaron had taken a shower and returned to my room. Adam came through to the kitchen where I was, he stood next to me quietly for a time before speaking.

“ I know you lied before, about what's happened” He put his hand on my arm so that I would look at him “look all I want to do is help him, he's my best mate and......” 

 

“There's no lying to you is there, don't let him know that you know, we need to give him time to talk to us. Well that's what he hospital said”

Adam's eyes widened “ Hospital....... when?”

God, I've done it again, right the truth this time “I found him at the scrap yard the other day, he collapsed as we were talking, he was about to leave for good. Anyway I got him to the hospital just in time.......... He could have died Adam.” I was starting to shake again.

Adam gave me a look as to say did he hurt himself again, I nodded. He buried his head in his hands.

*******************************

 

The next few days went like clock work, I text Vic, Aaron would only come down stairs when they were out and spent the rest of the time in my room with me. We just sat there playing cards, not speaking a lot, of a night time he allowed me to hold him in my arms as he fell asleep. He was still having nightmares, when they happened I held him and talked to him until he fell back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos, feel free to leave a message


	12. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert worrys about Aaron's fisrt appointment

Chapter 12 – Concern

 

I sat at the table nursing the now cold cup of coffee in my hands, yawning having been awake most of the night, Aaron had wanted to talk last night, about nothing really. Nothing about Gordon, but at least he was talking, we spoke about films, music, silly stuff like that and I swear he even laughed at one of my stupid jokes, it was good to see him smile the way he did when we were on our own before. The sound of footsteps behind me brought me out of my thoughts, Adam sat next to me, from the look on his face he hadn't slept either, only a few days ago we were at logger heads with each other, but after last night we seem to have a respect for one another, he cared about Aaron as much as me.

“How was he last night?” He asked me

“We talked” he looked shocked “ not about that, just about silly things, it was good to see him smile like that again ye know” He smiled at me nodding “Listen, he has an appointment this afternoon, would it be all right to use your car?” I rubbed my eyes trying to keep them open “or...... well I'll ask him if he still wants to go.”

“Of course it is.... what if you are seen?

God, I hadn't thought of that “Erm.... then we say we got back late last night, but had been drinking so I left my car. Do you think that will work? I don't want him to miss his counselling session.” 

“Sounds fine, when did he...” Adam stopped talking as we heard Vic call us from the stairs.

“What you gabbing about, the two of you have been like a couple of old women since last night.” Vic knew we never got along, she was used to us snapping at each other instead of speaking calmly.

“Nothing, just about Robert possibly doing a stint at the scrap yard.” I hated Adam having to lie to Victoria, but he had said last night that he would do it, for Aaron's sake not mine.

 

************************************

About an hour later, I saw Aaron make his way into the living room, holding his arm to his chest.

“Do you want me to take a look at that?”

“No, just need some pain killers” he sat next to me on the sofa “look, I'm....... I'm sorry..... about the last few days”

I was shocked by his words “You've nothing to apologise for” his eyes winced in pain “stay there, I'll get the pain killers for you.” he nodded thanks as I got up. “you have your first session today, do you still want to go, I can call and rearrange if you want?” he shook his head.

I came back with a glass of water and some pills, it was my turn to say sorry. 

“Aaron.... about what I said in the pub the other night, I'm so so sorry, I was just so angry with everything and I shouldn't have said it” I lowered my head closing my eyes.

“It's fine, I mean you covered the truth with mum, Vic and Adam so don't worry about it, if anything their all going to think your a lying piece of shit.” I look at him shocked, but when I see him laughing slightly I begin to smile shaking my head at him. “Look, I know I haven't very talkative while I've been here, but........ thank you for everything.”

“ Any time” He's holding my hand now as we talk.

“Right, so how are we getting to the hospital then?” he asked

I looked at him and smiled “Don't worry I have a plan”

Around two o'clock Adam pulled out side the cottage, signalled to us when the coast was clear and we jumped in the car, keeping our heads low as we left the village. I had called earlier about the change of plans, he took us to the lock up where my car was, then we parted company. I would take Aaron to his appointment then we'd drive back like we were returning from where ever we had been.

**********************************

Aaron was becoming anxious, he was finding it hard to breath, I squatted in front of him telling him to take a deep breath and out, he said that he knew that and called me an idiot. The door opened not long after and his name was called out, he closed his eyes tightly.

“It'll be OK, I'm going to be right here when you get out, and if you need me just ask and I will come in, remember your not on your own now.” He looked at me taking another deep breath in before standing up and walking over to the office door, turning he nodded to me and entered the room.

I felt nervous, my had started tapping the arm of the chair, I riffled year old magazines and at one point I was pacing back and forth running my fingers through my hair. My mind wondering how he was doing in there, how he was feeling, he hated talking to anyone about anything, I just hoped he was coping. 

It had been nearly an hour now, but it felt like a life time had gone by. When the door opened and he came out it was as if I could breath again, he looked shakey, his eyes red, I walked over to him to see how he was. He looked straight into my eyes.

“I think I need to talk to mum” his voice low.

“OK, tell you what, when we get back I'll go over and get her to come over tomorrow, give you a time to think about what you are going to say.” He nodded and gave me a hug.


	13. Two More In The Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who finds out Aarons dark secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know where I was going to take this chapter, so I hope you enjoy

Chapter 13 – Two More In The Know 

 

I pulled up outside Keepers cottage, I'd wanted to ask how the session went, but had had second thoughts about it, if he wanted to tell me then he would himself. It had a quiet drive home, I'd glanced every so often over to Aaron, he sat with his head back starring out the window the whole way. The silence was broken by the bleeping of my phone, taking it out my pocket I read the text message from Adam.

“Shit!” I looked at Aaron “Diane in there, how do you want to do this?” he shrugged his shoulders “do you want her to know your back?” he shook his head. “ right then, we'll go up stairs as soon as get in, you stay up there and I will say you stayed in the hotel a bit longer.” he nodded.

Vic, Adam and Diane heard the door open and footsteps running up stairs, not long after I headed to the living room, Diane stood there glaring at me. 

“Sorry needed to loo. Is everything all right Diane?”

“So where's Aaron then? First you course complete chaos in the bar, up setting Chas, calling Gordon all sorts of nasty things and to top it all off you do a runner with your ex. I know he doesn't like his dad but to call him that, it's sick!” I feel sick at the sound of her words.

“Oh yeah, did you have a go at him for calling Aaron and me faggots, I bet you didn't did you?” she's gone quiet now, I don't think she knows what to say. “I was angry all right, whatever it is between Aaron and his dad obversely isn't healthy, but when I find him in pain by Gordon's hand I'm going to get him out of there.”

“I see your point” Diane said quietly. “so where is he?”

“Stayed away, I came back because I promised him I'd help Adam at the scrap yard, he will be back soon.” I paused for a second “I need to go see Chas, say sorry to her in person, Adam, Vic I'll be back in a bit.” I walked out the cottage, pulling my phone texting Adam.

 

Aaron up stairs, let him know when Diane has left.

 

*********************************************

 

I found Chas in the back room of the pub, sitting at the kitchen table deep in thought, I took a deep breath at waited for the next onslaught of words for tonight, but she didn't say anything. Instead she starred at me, hurt and confusion surrounding her.

“Chas....... are you Ok?” I am genially concerned about her, she looks like she about to cry.

“ I spoke to Gordon, he.......he.....admitted it, oh god what exactly did he do to my son?” her tears began to flow, I ran over to her throwing my arms around her tight. “ I need to talk to Aaron, is he with you?” I realise from her and look into her eyes.

 

“He will be back tomorrow, he asked to see you then. I'll text you when he back.”

She nodded, I can't leave her here on own so I call Diane and ask her to come home straight away. Placing the cup of tea in front of Chas, sit silently with her until Diane returns.

I pulled Diane into the corridor asking her to look after Chas, I don't go into detail, just tell her what Chas has said to me. Knowing she is in good hands I returned to Aaron.

 

*********************************

 

Robert -

 

I smiled as I watched Aaron sleep next to me, he looked peaceful tonight, whatever had been said in his counselling session must have done some good, I know this is the first step for him, but there was along way to go and I will be there all the way. I turned over trying not to disturb him, picked up my watch to see the time, midnight, everyone was asleep apart from me, seeing Chas like that way still on my mind. I'd gotten home about two hours ago, but hadn't told Aaron about his mum, just that she would see him tomorrow, I didn't want to shake an already fragile mind.

I could have sworn I heard banging on the front door, who in their right mind would be knocking at this time. I picked up a T-shirt pulling it over my head as I went down stairs in the dark and opened the door.

I was thrown backwards as he fist landed on my face before I could see who it was, I dizzyingly stumbled about trying to get my bearings, but before I could I found myself pinned against the wall, an arm pushing onto my throat so hard I couldn't breath properly.

“Ca........ I......can't brea......” I tried saying “ARGHH” Cain fist hammered into my stomach, sending a thousand fragments of pain spreading through my body.

 

Aaron -

“ARGHH”, It had come from down stairs, I hurriedly got up and ran out of the bedroom to be met by Adam and Victoria, we quickly moved downwards, turning the light on to see what was happening.

“CAIN!” I yelled, he had Robert pinned up against the wall and was about to punch him again. He stopped and turned his head to look at me, Victoria and Adam behind me in shock.

“You've got some explaining to do” He turned to look at Robert again, who was still struggling to breath under his arm “and so do you” H e said releasing his arm from Robert's throat'

 

I watch as Robert slid down the wall, one hand on his stomach, the other holding his throat as he began coughing. Victoria ran past me stopping when she reached her brother, who now was slumped on the floor trying to take in deep breaths. I couldn't move, still in shock from seeing Cain's actions. 

I'm starring at Cain now, but he's not looking at my face, I move my eyes to follow his focus. He's starring at my arm, the cut had begun to heal again after Gordon squeezing it, but it would make a scar to be added to the rest. I quickly covered it with my hand telling him to go through to the living room.

“You said it was a blip, on your birthday, a blip. Aaron what the hell have you been doing to yourself?” Cain paced back and forth pinching the bridge of his nose, his anger had turned to concern.

I looked around the room, Robert sat on the sofa sipping a glass of water, his breathing was much better now. Adam and Vic stood next to him.

“ Cain ….. I” I didn't know what to say to him.

“Your mum's in bits, you do a runner with that” he said pointing at Robert, who looked up now to see Cain pointing at him. “ And then.... and then I don't know what he said to your mum, but she won't even speak to me about it. I asked you on your birthday, and I'm going to ask you again, is this to do with your dad?” He asked moving towards me, the fury still in his eyes, I can feel the fear raising up in me as I step backwards from him. He saw it, I know he did because he stopped. “Aaron were your family, we care about you, don't push us away. What did Gordon do?”

 

My breathing became heavier at the sound of his name, I struggled for air, Cain was in front of me, his arms around me, I flinched at the touch but he never lets go. “What did he do?” he asked in a concerned whisper, I could feel the tears fall from my eyes. “ He raped me!” Cain held on tighter looking up in horror, Victoria nearly fell to the floor, only to be supported by Adam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos's and the messages, they have really spared me on to continue writing this


	14. Dead To Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tells his mum, not knowing she knows

Chapter 14 – Dead To Us

 

I'm wincing as I look in the mirror, inspecting the damage Cain has done, I'm going to have one hell of a shiner in the morning, not just that neck will be just as bad,. I'd left Aaron with Adam, Vic and Cain talking, he didn't tell them everything, just out lined it like he had me the first time.

“You need to talk to your mum” I heard Cain say as I entered the room to retrieve the bag of peas again for my eye, Aaron was looking down at the floor listening. “ she'll believe you, I do don't I”

“She's coming over in the morning, that's what I went over to talk to her about earlier.” I answered for Aaron. He looked over to me smiling, Vic hadn't said a word the whole time, she sat with Adam's arms wrapped around her.

“So you got our kid out of here for a while, to do what? Keep him away from his family, the family that love him and would do anything for him. What so you could get close to him again, take advantage of him at his lowest point?” Cain's words stabbed my like a knife, how could he think I would do such a thing.

“Cain that's...... “ Aaron interrupted me.

“ We didn't go anywhere Cain, I was right here the whole time, I........I just needed to sort my head out after the argument the other night.” he glanced over to me “ Robert's been there for me as a mate, helping me through stuff. He was the only one who knew up until now, so don't have a go at him when I swore him to sectary and he kept his mouth shut this long,” His anger was getting the better of him now as he started shouting at Cain.

I moved next to Aaron to try and calm him down. “Calm down Aaron, remember deep slow breaths” his breathing was becoming tight again “ Cain I don't mean to sound rude but could we all leave this until tomorrow, I think we could all do with some sleep.”

 

“ Cain, please don't tell anyone else, that goes for you two as well.” he looked over to Adam and Victoria “ I'm just not ready for it.”

 

****************************************** 

 

“You all right shiner?” Adam asked me as I walked slowly over to the sofa, carefully sitting down with a painful wince. “Christ, Cain really did a job on you last night didn't he.”

I'd like to say no, but he was right. Aaron sat next to me, a concerned smile on his face. “ It's not that bad really” my voice still slightly horse, I looked over to Aaron “what time should I tell your mum, if you still want to do this?”

 

He was quiet for a second, “Erm...... about ten, but …. ermm.... listen I want to do this on my own, I can't have you holding my hand all the time, I mean look what Cain did to you. I just feel so...........”

“You have nothing to feel guilty about, Cain was worried about you, OK he could have shown it in another way. It shows he cares at least” I gave out a little laugh, only to be crushed by pain again. “I'll text her, I'll go back to bed when she's here I don't feel like moving much anyway.”

When ten o'clock came, Aaron was looking extremely nervous, his hands shaking, he jumped when he heard the knock on the door. I answered to see Chas looking at me in horror, letting her in I said that I would be up stairs and left the two of them alone.

 

Chas -

“What happened to him?” I look at Aaron in shock.

“Cain”

“What, why?” I asked as I walked over to the kitchen table ans sat down, I'm waiting for him to start talking, Robert had told me in his text that he hadn't told him about me seeing Gordon, and to let him do the talking. I just wanted to hold him, hug all the memories away.

Aaron sat opposite me holding his head in his hands, breathing slowly. “Mum, I......I don't know how to..........God I can't do this it's to hard.”

“Aaron, you can tell me anything, is this to do with the other night with your dad?” I wanted to spit out the word dad, but kept my resolve. I did notice his reaction when I mentioned him.

“It's partly to do with it, God, why can't I do this!” He began to pace back and forth, his hand to his head.

I had to get him started, I could see needed to do this. “ What is it love, did......did he hurt you?” He nodded. 

“Please don't hate me when I tell you, I need you mum, more than you will ever know” He was crying now, how he think that I would ever hate him, he's my son, my blood no mater what.

“I Will never hate you Aaron, I love you.”

He sat back down again. “He...... he...” I'm starting to become inpatient now, I just need him to say it. 

“Just tell me will you!”

“ He raped me, mum” He sobbed through the tears.

 

It felt like we had been talking for hours, I sat quietly holding on to his hand as he talked, he spoke about fish 'n' chips, when Gordon lost his job, him becoming angry to the creaking of his bedroom door. Tears running down both of our faces as he spoke. The next bit made me move quickly around, hugging Aaron as he sobbed, he cleared his throat, took a few deep breaths in.

“ the next day after school” Taking another deep breath in and continued “there was fish 'n' chips on the table. He said he was sorry but he had to do it.....” his breathing becoming restricted again “but I had been naughty.” his face broke, loud sobs raised from him as we rocked back and forth “ I'm sorry mum, I'm so sorry”

“No Aaron you have nothing to be sorry, he's never coming near you again, you hear me, he's dead to us” I Whimpered to him as I continued to sway him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Won't be posting for a few days, due to ill child. will post as soon as possible. Thank you again for kudos's


	15. The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is asked a tough question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've moved the story on a bit since Aaron told Chas, Robert's bruises had gone. Hope you enjoy. Would love to know your thoughts on it so leave a message if you wish.

Chapter 15 – The Question

 

A month had pasted since Aaron had told his mum, I remember talking to her a couple of days afterwards, she never let on about Gordon admitting it to Aaron. Yes he had admitted it to her, but it wasn't until she had spoken to Aaron that she had realised the extent of the horror he had went through at the hands of his dad. She even thanked me for being there for him when he had felt like he couldn't talk to them, although she say that she was never going to like me much, given our past I couldn't blame her, but I had been there for her son and for that she was great full. Still she was upset when Aaron said he wasn't ready to go back to the pub, I know she wanted to argue her point across, but held her tongue respecting his wishes, it didn't stop her coming over every day though.

Oh well, that was then, Aaron had made the decision to move back two weeks ago. Even though he had been more than a little angry when he found out that Diane know from his mum. I had told him that maybe it was a good thing, he just scoffed at my saying 'what', I tried to reassure him by telling him with her knowing meant that if Gordon did ever so his face again then she would get rid of him quickly and quietly. It had seemed to work, but now it's different at home, I had gotten used to him being here, now, well now I felt lonely, if that's the word for it. I keep stretching my arm over expecting him to be sleeping next to me, and that's when my heart sinks, when I realise he is not there. We still text each other every night, asking how our days have been, trivial stuff like that, especially now he's back at the scrap yard, but it's not the same. I know he's got the support of Chas and Cain, but I can't help the feeling that I have been pushed out, Cain even came to see me, to say sorry for battering me and that he great full for all that I have done for Aaron but they would take it from here.

We still see each other, I drive him to his counselling sessions every week, he's never in a fit state to drive after them so he asked me to take him, knowing his mum or Cain would be constantly bombarding him with questions after, even though he gets it when he gets home, he says at least he can leave the room, he can't leave the car. 

We're on are way back now, he's looking a little more thoughtful than usual, I would ask but don't wish to push. We pull up at the back of the pub, I'm waiting for the nod of his head in thanks like I always get, I don't mind though he doesn't like talking to much after his sessions so I understand.

“Do you fancy a pint?” I stare at him surprised, since he moved back home we haven't really socialised together. The gossip mungers in the village had appointed me public enemy number one after my out burst in the pub, that had died down now, they have moved on to someone else

“Erm........ yeah, sure.”

 

******************************************

“How did it go today love?” I hear Chas ask him as he gets to the bar, whilst I find us a table at the back.

 

“Just leave it mum.” he grunts at her.

“I only ask because....” Aaron cuts her off,

“ Two pints, please?” She knows she get anything out of him, so she gives up for now, pours our drinks and hands them over.

He walks over to the table, placing my drink in front of me before squeezing round to sit next to me. We still get some looks from people as they pass us, I've chosen to ignore them. I look around at him, he seems preoccupied, he's looking down playing with his pint.

“Penny for them?”

“Mmm...what?” he looks up at me quickly, registering that I had just spoke to him.

“You can talk to me Aaron, you know that.”

He shook his head, trying to get his thoughts together, “It's just......, well, mum asked me something the other day and...........God, well I spoke to Jill about it today, she just asked me how I felt about it.”

Now I'm really confused, it's like trying to figure out a riddle. “So your mum asked you, you spoke to Jill and she wanted to know how you felt about it?”

“Yeah” He answered in a thoughtful tone.

I put my hand on his arm to get his full attention, “Aaron..... do I have to play twenty questions here or are you going to tell me what she asked, I'm magical but I'm no mind reader.”

He gave out a small laugh, only to stop, close his eyes and lower his head, before taking a big gulp of his drink, looks like he needs some dutch courage. He sat back leaning into my shoulder and spoke in a whisper.

“ She asked me to go to the police and report it.”

“Oh” I said looking over to Chas who hasn't taken her eyes off us the whole time. “And how do you feel about that?”

He took a deep breath in answering.

“I mean, I know he deserves to be punished, needs to be........., but the thought of everybody knowing scares me, the way they'll look at me, talk about me behind my back and have that look of pity when they look at me.” He started playing with his drink again. “I get that look everyday from mum and it kills me to know how hurt she is feeling......... not just for me but she's hurting too, I think she feels guilty that she wasn't there to stop it.”

I have some of my pint “Do you want him to be punished for what he did?” asking as I put my glass back on the table. “Because if you do then you need to report it, but like I said in the hospital you need to do it for you, not anybody else.” I pause for a second “and yes people will find out, but you will have me, ye mum,Cain and all of us right behind you what ever you decide to do.”

 

A single tear ran down his cheek “You really think I can do this?”

“Yes, I do.” I held his hand “your the strongest , bravest person I have ever met.”

We sat hand in hand until we were interrupted “Is everything OK lads?” Chas said looking at our hands.

Aaron let go, wiping the tear from his face, saying that he needed to pee and walked off. I looked at Chas, her face annoyed.

“What Chas,we were talking”

“Really, about what?” she snapped.

“Nothing to do with you!” I snapped back.


	16. Family Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron asks Cain to hold a Dingle meeting

Chapter 16 - Family Meeting

Robert -

I awoke to the sound of my phone bleeping, reaching over to get, I rubbed my eyes to focus on the text message, it was from Aaron.

A – Going to police station with mum later, thanks for the advice. Xx

I felt my heart lift a bit, smiled, I know it will be hard for him there, but he was doing the right thing. I texted back.

R – Any time, you know where I am if you need me. Xx

I returned the kisses back, it had been a long time since he'd sent me a message with them on, I took a deep breath holding the phone to my heart.

I got to the scrap yard about ten, Adam was already braking down a clapped out Volvo, I stepped next to him and asked him where he wanted me to start. I've been hands on here for a couple of weeks, it been good, apart from the fact that when I'm here Aaron's not, some how I think Chas has some thing to do with that.

Adam came out of the port-a-cabin around eleven, he was looking confusingly at his phone, coming over to me he looked at me oddly.

“Cain wants us at Lisa's” he said shrugging his shoulders.

“OK, you head off I'll keep an eye on this place.”

He looked at me again “No, he wants us.” pointing arm between us.

 

**********************************

Cain -

Cain watched the room full of his family, not sure how he was going to do this, Lisa and Belle stood in the kitchen making everyone a brew, Marlon on the sofa talking to Paddy in the chair next to him. Sam came running down from up stairs.

“Can we get on with this Cain, I've got work to be doing” Marlon said.

“Just waiting on a few more” he said rubbing his eyes “then we'll start, oh and here they are now.”

The front door opened, Adam, Moira and Robert came through it, Robert looking a bit afraid to be surrounded so many Dingle's. Moira comes up to me giving me a hug as I kiss her forehead, I'd filled her in on the meeting before hand.

 

“Right now that we're all here, I've been asked to call a Dingle meeting. Now this isn't easy to say so bear with me.” I wipe over my mouth breathing out. “It's our Aaron.”

“Aaron, what has he done now.” Paddy sounded worried.

“Paddy” I continue when everyone hushed. “He's done nothing wrong, it's....... it's” Moira takes hold of my hand, squeezing slightly.

“So what is that prick doing here, he's not family” Marlon turned to Robert pointing his finger at him “get out Sugden, this is family business” Sam had grabbed Robert's arm pulling him towards the front door. I walk over and remove Sam's arm, pulling Robert into the middle of the room next to me.

“Sugden's here for the same reason as all of us, Aaron! Now if you all don't mind this is hard enough to do without people tiring pieces out of each other.”

“Fine, but what's going on with Aaron Cain, where is he?” Lisa asked

I blow out a few breaths “ He's at the police station.”

“What! You said he wasn't in trouble, whys he there? If this has something to with you”

“Again Marlon, it's nothing to do Robert, he's.........he's making a statement.” I am becoming more impatient with them by the second. Now they've all started asking questions over each other, I can't make sense one of them.

“SHUT UP!!!” Everyone feel silent staring at Robert, shocked by the loudness of his voice, I was pinching the bridge of my nose saying thank you Sugden.

Turning away from them all, I kept telling myself, 'I can do this', I turned to face them again .

“Aaron's making a statement against his.......” Why was this so hard, all I have to do is tell them, it's Aaron who lived through it. “ his dad!”

“Gordon, why?” Lisa asked as calmly as she could.

I look over at Robert, looking straight into his eyes, I whispered to him ' I can't do this', turning away from them again. I can feel the tears wanting to form in my eyes, all I can see is Aaron as a child going through all that, and we did nothing to help me, the guilt is eating me up.

“Right” Robert said to me. “You can do this, your Cain Dingle. Head of this family, you can do this.”

“So he knows about it, Cain, why does he know why and we don't.” Marlon is really becoming angry now, standing up, squaring up to Robert. I see it from the corner of my eye and jump round to stand between them.

“Sit down Marlon.” I need to take control of the situation, Sugden is right for once.”Aaron was..” I close my eyes “he was abused by Gordon.”

 

Everyone has become sullen, confused by my words.

“Hang on, are you telling you that Gordon hit Aaron.” Paddy's concern for Aaron clear to see.

“No, worse” I glance around at them all watching there reactions as they realise what I am saying, Paddy looks like he is about to cry, Lisa and Belle are crying, 'oh that poor boy' Lisa says. Marlon and Sam look numb, Moira moved next to me, putting her arm around my back.

“All this time, he never said anything. Why, why wouldn't he tell us?” Marlon's voice is low now, concerned.

“He was never expecting Gordon to ever come back, when he did it all came back to him. He'd managed to bury it over the years. Right now that's not the point, we have to be here for him, no matter when, what for, what time time of day. He is our priority, although we all know what he's like so don't push him.” I warned them.

Paddy is staring at the floor. “I t all makes sense now”

“What Paddy, What makes sense?” I ask angrily.

“Oh, sorry, wh......when he tried to kill himself because he couldn't cope with being gay, he must of thought that that is what gays do, no wonder he was so scared of it.”

He's right I can see it now, not only that but how he pushed everyone away, never letting anyone close.

“Cain, I understand why we're having this meeting but it still doesn't explain why he's here.”

“Sugden's here because he has been there for our Aaron through this.” They all look at me in shock, well all except Adam who has stood silent at the back throughout the entire meeting. “Even though I didn't want him here, Aaron insisted ”

“So what do we do about Gordon?” Adam spoke for the first time.

“Nothing” I say “Aaron wants nothing to happen to him now he's gone to the police, got that, nothing is to happen to Gordon unless it is a direct threat to Aaron or Chas, that is my final word on that matter. Do you all hear me?”

“Yes” they all said.

“Right I've got to go” I had gotten a text from Chas.

“Where you goin'?” Sam asked.

“To pick him up from the station, if that's all right with you Sam.”


	17. Suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aarons thoughts about his day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get into Aaron's POV now that his family knows, I don't know if anything I have put in here is used by counsellers, I'm sorry I have it wrong, hope you all enjoy

Chapter 17 – Suffocating

 

Aaron - 

It's been a week since I went to the police, luckily the whole village hasn't found out yet, Jill says that I should prepare myself for when it does. She has given me some different breathing exercises to try and see which one works best for me, not only to be able to cope with being around people, but when I get the urge to cut again. It's happened a few times, the feeling of hating myself, of not being able to cope, taking in a deep breath and counting to ten before breathing out was the one that I found works . The other thing she suggested I try, this was weeks before the breathing exercises, was to write my thoughts and feeling down on paper, burning it afterwards to watch the words fizzle into ash and see if that releases any pressure of my shoulders. I laughed at her at first, but gave it ago and it seemed to work, I wrote down all the anger and hatred I felt towards Gordon. It took me three attempts the first time, the first two times I stared at the blank pieces of paper, willing my hand to write the words I wanted to put down, but it wouldn't. I screwed them up, throwing them against the wall in front of me infuriated with myself, but it has become easier now, I always carry a note pad and a pen on me if I need it, no one else gets to read them, not even Jill.

I'd woken up early, I say woke up sleep seems like a distant memory at the moment. Mum was eating breakfast when I went through to the back room . 'How you doing today?', that's one, I ignore her and grab the cereal and a bowl, we sit there in silence until I go to work.

Adam all ready at the scrap yard when I get there, 'how's it goin' mate? You know you don't have to come in if you don't feel up to it?', that's two. I grunt at him saying lets just get some work done, he's been trying to push me to do paper work all day, it's doing my head in, it seems like every half an hour he's checking on me, asking if I'm OK, by dinner time the counter in my head is up to eight. I tell him I'll be fine on my own while he goes to Bob's to eat with Victoria. Whilst he's away I make a start on the car that came in this morning, I'm pushing down on the crow bar when falls out of my hands and onto the floor. I'm so angry and frustrated I pick it up smashing it onto the engine over and over again.

“Hey, I'm glad that's not my car, but then again you already did that, didn't you” Robert says laughing, stopping when he sees the anger in my eyes when I look at him.

He nods a couple of time “I'm going to pop the kettle on, do you want one?” I look down, I can't help but laugh at the stupid face he's pulling, drop the crow bar and follow him into the port-a-cabin.

He's standing with his back to me making the drinks, asking if feel like going to see a film or something, just as mates, to get away from the village for a bit, I tell him I'll think about it. He passes me the cup when Adam walks back in, nodding hello to Robert. He tells me that Vic, Moira, Diane and Cain were all asking after me, to see how I was doing, that's twelve.

Robert can see the look on my face, he asks me if I want to go and meet our potential new client with him, I say no there's to much to be done here. He nods, says goodbye to the both of us and leaves.

 

By four o'clock it's gone up to twenty, either from Adam asking or mum texting, I'd thought about switching my phone off a few times or putting my ear phones in to drown Adam's I'm here for you tones. God, I need a pint, I sat on the back table, they might get the gist that I want to be left alone, but no such luck.

Paddy and mum are talking at the bar, glancing over in my direction every so often. Paddy then decides to come over and sits next to me, I'm so not in the mood for this, he asks me how I'm coping with it all, that's twenty-one. I pick up my pint and coat and leave, heading for the back room, picking up by back pack I put a six pack in it, mum had followed me through.

“Aaron love, how's it been today, are you OK?” she asks, that's twenty-two.

My blood begins to boil. “The next person to ask me that I'm going knock their fucking lights out!!” I shout at her, picking up my bag and coat I storm across the room.

“Where you going love?” she shouts at me.

“OUT!” I yell back, slamming the door behind me.

 

**************************************

 

I sit quietly once I have reached my destination, pulling out my phone I put it on to torch mode, unzip my bag taking out the cans, I open two of the cans, drinking one at the same time pouring the other over Jackson's grave. It's peaceful and quiet here, I find I can either write or just talk to Jackson, I pause for thought, I'm not in the mood to talk tonight so I riffle in the bag taking out the note pad and pen, open it and start to write. I don't know if it's a comfort thing but when I do this I write to Jackson, Jill says it's a good thing, it's like I'm talking to someone silently.

 

' To Jackson.

I wish that everyone would stop asking me 'am I all right?', 'how you doing?', how you coping?'. It's doing my head in, it makes me feel fragile, weak, it's like they think I'm going to break at any moment. The only thing that will make that happen is them asking me those questions over and over. I just want them to treat me like they did before, before they know what he had done to me, I feel like I'm suffocating, my throat becomes tight and I can't breath.

 

Anyway best go , love yr mate.'

 

Ripping out the paper I screw it up and place it on the floor, pulling out the lighter from my jeans pocket, it used to be there if I felt the urge to self-harm, but not of recently. Since I've started doing this the the urge hasn't gone away, but lessened. I spark the lighter and hold it to the paper ball, watch it burn before it turns to ash, I feel all the pressure of today vaporising into the night sky as I watch the ash dance in the wind. I know Jackson can't answer, but on occasion I feel that he here with me, holding my hand. 

 

My thoughts are broken by me phone bleeping telling me I have a text message, great it's mum, I huff as I open it, 'the police are here to see you' it read. I text back 'on my way', packing up the bag. Not before touch the gave stone saying 'love ye, mate'.


	18. Set Backs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The police have news for Aaron.

Chapter 18 – Set Backs

 

I'm sitting in the booth by the hatch, the pint in front of my had gone warm ages ago, thinking about what I had to do tomorrow. I've got a meeting at ten, another at twelve and then it's my stint at the scrap yard in the afternoon, the thought of being at the scrap yard started me thinking about how Aaron seemed today. He was so angry, it was like he was smacking that car imagining some ones head, smashing it in over and over, who ever it was I felt for them, unless it was Gordon, he could carry on as long as he wanted. 

“Diane!” I call her over from the bar. 

“Yes Robert, how are you doing pet?” she's standing bye the table looking down at me.

“Have you seen Aaron tonight, I thought he would have been in having a drink?” I'm trying to keep a calm and casual tone, but I don't think she bought it.

“He's in the back, with the police.” she leant over and whispered the last bit.

The police where here, had there been a break through in the investigation, Aaron needed this, he needed to break free from the old that Gordon had had on him for all these years.

“Aaron” I heard shouted from the back room, looking round I saw Aaron move swiftly through the bar and out the door.

“Sorry Diane, I've got to go” picking up my jacket I followed.

 

****************************************

 

Seeing Aaron bent over, his hands on his knees taking in deep breaths, I made my way over, calling his name as not to spook him. I placed my hand on his back, regulating my breathing to the same as his until he had calmed a bit. I asked him if he wanted to come to mine for a brew, or something stronger if he needed it, he answered saying something stronger.

He was sitting on the sofa, his head back staring at the ceiling when I brought over the glass of whiskey to him, sitting next to him when he had taken it off me. He downed to drink in one banging the glass on the table.

“Looks like you needed that, another?” I handed him my glass and he repeated the action. “You can tell me when your ready, we've got all night, Adam and Vic are staying at the farm tonight.”

“In that case can we watch some crap TV to take my mind off things?” Picking up the remote I handed it to him. About twenty went by before he had finally picked old reruns of robot wars, after flicking through every channel twice, he curled up next to me, his head snug on my shoulder. Lifting my arm, I moved it over at rested it on across his shoulders.

 

“ They can't find Sandra.” I jumped slightly as he spoke, it had been an hour since either of us had spoken.

“ What do you mean, they can't find Sandra?” 

He shrugged his “It's like she's dropped of the face of the planet.. They can't find her, which means there's no hope of a case, it's just my word against his” He stood up wiping the tears over his sleeve, started pacing back and forth “I know this was a bad idea, going to the police, there's no evidence, nothing, I can't win.”

I stand up myself and wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly as he cried into my neck. 

He was a little calmer later saying that we would talk properly in the morning, I'd distracted him with talk of nonsense as we watched a film, he put his can down on the table, holding up he envelope that had been there all day, my name and address on it.

“What's this?”he asked 

I took it off him quickly. “Nothing, nothing for you to worry about.” a panic in my voice.

“No Robert, tell me the door swings both ways you know.”

I look at him then up to the ceiling “There my divorce paper” I say quietly “ I have an appointment with the solicitors in the morning to go through them.” A weary smile on my face.

“Oh god Robert, here I am putting all my troubles on you, and you've got your own shit going on. I'm so sorry, I should go.” trying to stand up to leave, but I dragged him back down.

“Aaron it's fine, we both knew they would be coming sooner or later. It's a good thing right, I'll be free of the White's, home farm, everything. It feels like relief really.”

Aaron settled back on the sofa, falling asleep in my arms, gently I lay him down, covering him with a blanket, before heading to bed myself. My new mission tomorrow was to track down Sandra.


	19. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron grows suspicous about Robert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short one to set up the next couple of chapters.

Chapter 19 – Suspicions 

 

Aaron - 

I don't know what's wrong with Robert, he seemed fine after our talk yesterday, maybe, no, I defiantly crossed a line, I know that now. Yet when I saw him later that night he was, I can't put my finger on it, nervous and jumpy I guess. He kept checking his phone, expecting it to go off at any time, still is and he can't sit still, he's become fidgety. His phone goes off, there's an unsure look on his face when he sees who it is.

“I need to take this” He says walking out the port-a-cabin, I watch him from the window, he's standing up straight, it looks to be a serious conversation. Moving back to the desk, having seen him making his way back, what am I thinking, I'm going daft it's probably to do with his divorce. 

“Aaron, would it be possible for Adam or someone to drive you today? Some thing’s come up.” He sounds worried.

“Erm....... yeah I'll text Adam, we'll have to close this place though.”

“It's fine, I'll cover some of the loss” He can't look at me “Erm.. thanks” He says before rushing off.

I'm staring out the window while Adam drive us back from my counselling session, trying to zone out of all his questions, this is why I like going with Robert, but maybe after yesterday he doesn't want to be near me. We pull up at a red light, I see Robert through the window, he's in a restaurant with a man, a very attractive man. They look happy, Robert's smiling, I know that smile, he's only ever uses it when he's truly happy. My stomach tightens and my heart sinks as I watch them hug, jealousy burning up inside of me.

The car starts to move again, making me jump, Adam ask if I'm all right.

“Yeah, fine, just get me home will ye.” I can't contain the anger in my voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Messages always welcome


	20. My Kindest Regards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The old Robert is back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've posted 20 and 21 at the same time

Chapter 20 – My Kindest Regards 

 

Robert – The Day Before

 

I go down after a shower, Aaron is sitting at the table, coffee in hand. I ask him if he slept OK as that sofa isn't the most comfortable, picking up the empties from last night. He grunts, in Aaron speak that means yes, coming back in with my own coffee I sit next to him. He is deep in thought, staring at me.

“Thank you for last night, I'm just going to act-sept that I'm fighting a lost course and try to put it behind me.” The tears are starting to well up in his eyes “and thank you for everything you have done, I.......I couldn't have gotten this far without you.”

I stand up in shock “ No Aaron don't give up on this, you've come so far, and......and the police are looking in to other things aren't they, they'll find something.”

“No, Sandra was my only hope, that's what they said last night.” He stands in front of me, the pain radiating from his eyes. “You've been brilliant through all of this...... if this is at an end then I don't want to lose you.” He cups my face as he says it, drawing closer to me, his lips touch mine. I want to kiss him back but I know it would be wrong, he's so vulnerable at the moment.

I pull back gently holding his that was on my face, he looks at me shocked.

“I thought that this is what you wanted, this, us.” tears now freely falling. “I mean you said that you......”

 

“Aaron” I say cutting him off. “I do want this, want us, but right now your not in that place. Everything that's going on in here” stroking the side of his head as I say it. “ I'm not going to do this, anything until your sure your ready for it, and your not are you?” His head is on my shoulder now crying, shaking his head as he does. “I love you Aaron, you know that, and when your ready we can make a proper go of things. I will wait no mater how long.” 

 

**************************************

 

That prick, what a bastard. I can't believe what they've done, I storm into the office at home farm, Lawrence sat behind his desk, a broad grin on his face as he sees me. 'I wondered how long it would take you to come by, received our offer did you?” he says as near him. Chrissie's away on business and Lochan's on school. So it's just me and him, just how I want it, throwing the divorce papers down in front of him.

“That's not good enough, all the money I brought into this company and that's all your offering.”

 

“Well I'm not the one who cheated with the common mechanic am I!” He smiles slyly at me.

I stand stern, staring straight into his eyes, “How long did I work for you Lawrence?”

“Too long!” He has is hands on the desk, half standing trying to intimidate me now, well two can play at that game.

“Long enough to pick up a few things” I throw the other envelope I have on me to him, he opens it, sitting back down, looking scared when he sees the contents. “Those are copies, the real ones are very safe.” emphasizing the 'very'.

“How dare you, are you trying to blackmail me? Some things don't change.” I can see him trying to keep calm, but his eyes give him away.

“Blackmail is such a strong word Lawrence, I prefer 'negotiation'. So shall we?” I say laughing “There's enough in there for a long sentence, I don't think a man with your heart condition could cope inside, do you.”

“Fine, I'll double it.” I shake my head. “Triple it.” I do the same again, only this time smiling as well. “Quadruple it.” This time a nod.

“There's one more thing, since you have completely black balled me from the contacts I need, you can sort this out for me as well.” Taking the piece of paper out of my pocket I pass it over to him.

He opens it. “You've got to be kidding me?”

“Not at all Lawrence.” I bend over the desk collecting the items from the second envelope putting them back into it. “You do this” I point to the divorce papers . “and this” moving my hand to the small piece of paper. “ and I won't have a cosy conversation with Chrissie about Jeff,” I whisper to him. I can see he has become terrified now, I know the relationship between him and his daughter the most important thing in his life well before any money.

“You know nothing about it.” he's shaking now, I can't help but smile.

“ I know more than you think, what would Chrissie do if she found out that daddy isn't even daddy, it would break her heart even more than what I did, we wouldn't want that now would we.” H e starting to panic now, I can see him trying to think of something to say. “Do we have a deal?”

“What will happen to them, if I do this?” His voice shaking as he points to the envelope in my hand.

“ They will disappear, as if by magic, never to be seen again.” I never take my eyes from his, looking at him with a cold stare.

“OK,OK, I'll do it, now get rid of them.” I laugh again.

 

“Once both things are done and finalised then they will” I turn and walk towards the office door, turning to face him when I reach it. “Oh, and us Mark, only the best eh,” I wink at him “get him to ring me.” Closing the door behind me, a big smile spread across my face as left for home.

 

**************************************

 

Present Day -

I'm getting nervous now, what if Lawrence hasn't done anything yet, no , I think to myself, he has to. I find that I'm checking my phone constantly, Aaron keeps looking over at me, I think he's trying to figure out what's going on. My phone rings and I see Mark's number high lighted on it, 'I've got to take this' I say to Aaron, stepping out side the port-a-cabin. The cold breeze hits me, remembering I left my coat in there.

“Mark?” He speaks quickly to me, telling where to meet him and when, agreeing I put the phone down. Aaron's sat at the desk when I return, shit, Aaron's appointment, I'd forgotten. I ask him if he can get someone else to take him and leave.

 

At two o'clock I meet Mark at the restaurant he told me to, we talk for near on an hour slipping me a piece of paper, I'm so happy I'm smiling. He is to, I've known him for years and were friends, I mean, come on, I knew him before Lawrence was sleeping with him and that was the reason I asked Lawrence to us him. Yet another secret he wants to keep. I give him the biggest hug and say thanks.

“So, who's paying for this then?” He asks.

“Bill Lawrence, and send him my kindest regards.”


	21. I Believed You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron won't hear R obert out.

Chapter 21 – I Believed You

 

Standing at the bar, I hear the door open, looking I see Chrissie, Lawrence and Lochlan come in. Lawrence says for them to get a table and he will get the drinks, picking up the pint, I smile into it before drinking some. 

“Have a nice catch up with Mark? The two of you haven't spoken in a while.” I whisper to Lawrence who's stood beside me. He glances over to me, the scared look from yesterday returning.

“All sorted.” He keeping it sort.

“Everything?” I look straight ahead as I whisper again to him.

“The new drafts have been drawn up, should be on there way to you.” 

“Good” I say picking up the pint moving to the other end of the bar as Diane comes over to serve him.

I've been here about two hours now, I'm on my third pint and there's still no sign of Aaron, that's it, I think to myself. I ask if Diane if Aaron's about, she say he's in the back and he's not in a good mood. Asking if I can go through she gives me a nod.

*************************************

Opening the door I see Aaron sat on the sofa watching TV, not registering my presence, I call his name, still nothing. I walk over and sit at the table, looking at him.

“Get lost, Robert!” Diane an was right he is in a bad mood today.

“Hi Robert, how was you day?” I say jokingly “Well Aaron my days been great, you see...” H cut me off.

“Yeah I saw that your day was great.” He stands up angrily., staring right at me. “ After everything you said yesterday, I believed you, why did I do that. You'd said you'd wait, what got bored already, decided to move on all already. I have feeling Robert, and right now they all hate you.” He shouted at me, I'm completely lost, what's he talking about.

 

“I meant every word that I said, I don't understand your so upset, what have I done?” I'm standing in front of him now, pleading him with my eyes. Reaching out my arms to hold his arms, he bats them away.

“Oh yeah, what was it, spin poor little Aaron some lines and he'll come running back, I believed you” tears running down his face as he spoke.

He grabbed onto my jacket, dragging me towards the back door.

 

“ I don't understand Aaron?” I say as I'm being dragged.

“Have a nice date today did you, he's very attractive, if that's your sort of thing.”

“You saw me with Mark, Aaron I can explain, it's nothing like that, it was business nothing more .”

“I wasn't born yesterday ye know.” he spat at me as he opened the door, throw me out and slammed it behind me. I couldn't move, what had just happened, I feel the piece of paper in my pocket, thinking about what to do with it.


	22. Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert talks to the police

Chapter 22 – Information 

 

I've not slept all night, how Aaron could think I would do that to him, I know I say I prefer verbal to physical, but his words hurt more than a punch to the face right now. My alarm went of half an hour ago, I'm debating wither to get up or just stay in bed, but I know I can't, I need to talk to Aaron, tell him why I was there with Mark or would that do more harm. It's half eight now he should be up, picking up my phone, I scroll down reaching Aaron's number, my finger hoovering over it, fearing the response I'll get. I must have spent the last hour ringing, every time it went straight to voice mail, one more try, pressing on his name it rang, he answered only to tell me to 'fuck off'. That's it if he doesn't want to listen to me then I'll go to someone who will.

I'm standing at the counter, the police officer looks at me, asking me if he can help, I ask to speak to DS Wise. He then asks me what it is relation to, this is like playing twenty questions, Aaron Livesy I reply, he speaks to someone on the phone then tells me to take a seat and DS Wise will be with me shortly. That was an hour ago, I'm getting annoyed now.

“Mr. Sugden?” DS Wise asks.

“Yes, yes that's me.”

He asked me to come with him to the side room, once inside I sit in the chair opposite him, and start to talk.

“Here I have this for you.” I pass him the paper.

He opens it “Sandra Flahery?” he looks at me puzzled.

“Aaron's step-mum, she's changed her name. Now you have her name and address, where do we go from here.”

“May I ask how to acquired this information, Mr. Sugden?” He must be trained to show no emotion I thought.

“ I tracked her down, it took a few days but there you have it.” he nods at me.

“We will look into it, have you told Mr. Livesy?”

“ No, it sounds bad, but I don't want to get his hopes up if she won't help.”

“ OK, I understand Mr. Sugden leave it with us.”

I say thank you and head back to the village, In my heart I want to tell Aaron, but I think I'm right not to tell him.

*****************************************

 

If there's one thing I hate it's waiting, it's been four days since I went to the police station, and nothing, or there has been word, I'm growing impatient and Aaron still doesn't want to talk to me, I wish he would.

Heading for my usual pew at the bar, I ask Chas for a pint, she glares at me, calls Diane and tells her if I'm drinking in here then she won't be serving me. So for the rest of the time I'm there Diane serves me, around six o'clock two police officers enter the bar, one of them DS Wise. They ask to speak to Aaron, I can see all the local gossipers whispering to each other as they go through to the back.

They've been ages back there, I feel like barging in, finding out what is being said. Pearl comes up next to me to order a drink, 'well looks like Aaron couldn't stay out of trouble for long' she says to Diane, I rol my eyes. Chas enters the bar, staring at me, not in hate though, she waits for Pearl to sit back down and comes over, putting her hand on mine she mouths thank you and says that Aaron wants to see me. The officers come through to exit the bar, DS Wise nodded to me as he passed by, for the first time in days I smile a genuine smile.

*************************************

Aaron was leaning against the wall by the other door when he saw me, there was a sense of nervousness and what I could only describe as relief in his body language, normally I can read his emotions through his eyes, but not right now. Wanting to rush over to him, hug him, anything, I stopped myself from doing any of what I was thinking and waited, he had to take the lead. Deep blue eyes bore into mine, not saying a word, please Aaron say something to me, I thought to myself.

“They found Sandra.” He finally said, still looking straight at me. “they said someone provided the information to find her.”

“Did they say if she will stand by you?” He nods. “Well that's a good thing, isn't it.”

“I know it was you, they said they couldn't give me the name of the informant, but I know it was you. I'm right aren't I?” I nod, I can't speak, I don't know why. “Why did you do that after all the things I said to you?”

Trying in my head to figure out what I'm going to say, before it all comes out wrong. “The day you kicked me out.” God, this is harder than I thought, my minds in over drive, I should have told him that day. How could I, how angry he was, he would have never have listened to me. “ You accused me of seeing someone, when I told you I'd wait for you to be ready. That hurt me more than you could ever imagine. The man you saw my with, Mark, he was the who found her for me, I was getting the information from him.”

He looks down, a mixture of shook and apology on his face, “You said he's a friend. How close are you, were you?”

He stares at me, I can't help letting a little laugh escape. “Aaron, I've known him for years, nothing like that.” I answer the look he gives me, walking to him, putting a hand on his shoulder whispering. “I'll let you into a little secret, but you can't tell anyone” his stance changes ready for a fight, “Lawrence is more his type, and believe me they now each other, well” his shoulders relax as he starts laughing, 'Lawrence, really' he says, I just nod pulling I don't know why face.

“Can I meet him?” Aaron asked, as he smirked.


	23. Normal Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron gets though a night with friends

Chapter 23 – Normal Night

 

I'd said I would think about Aaron meeting Mark, I don't know if he was hurt by that, but I would have to talk to Mark first. If they were to meet then there where some things that where not to be brought up, Mark agreed, so I told Aaron to be in the pub at six on Friday night.

 

Aaron and I were chatting, sat in a booth in the bar, the one thing that Aaron asked for tonight was to have a normal night, no deep conversations about stuff, just friends enjoying them each others company. So we did, the last hour he had spent rolling his eyes at me as I went on about the latest manga film that was being released. When Adam joined us, he had been told to so we were just waiting on Mark. Hearing the door I glanced over, oh great, I said as Lawrence and Chrissie entered, I could see Lawrence whispering to her as they looked over our table before striding towards us trying his best to look the big hard man.

“Did you get it?” He asked looking down his nose at me. For some reason every time see him since the day at home farm I want to smirk at him, but I hold it back, this is not the time or the place.

“Yes, I did Lawrence.” I clap my hands, smiling, Adam and Aaron look at each other confused. “and it's all good, had it checked over thoroughly,” I look at like he's a child “not a word missed out, well done!” he's giving me the don't talk to me like that look, lowering my head yet still keeping eye contact “I signed it.” I'm twisting the ring off my finger and hold it up to him “now get out of my life, do you understand me Lawrence.”

All the time we have been talking I haven't noticed someone behind him, as he turns he bumps into him, jumping as he does. Mark smiles at him saying 'sorry mate, can I get past you?', we both laugh as Lawrence scurries back to my very soon to be ex-wife.

“What was that about?” Mark looks at me suspiciously “what rattled the old man'.s cage.” I tell him to sit down and I'll get a drink. I make introductions when I get back.

“Aaron, Adam this is Mark, an old friend” they nod to him. “Mark, please stay on your best behaviour, I don't want any trouble.” laughing as I smile.

“Sorry Robert, but I'm with Mark here, what was that about?” Aaron asked

“Didn't you say nothing serious tonight Aaron, so lets enjoy ourselves then.” I say smiling at him.

“Yes, I did......but what about that.” He points to my now bare ring finger, looking down at it, it feels odd, empty.

“What's there to tell, I signed my divorce papers today, that's all.”

 

“I don't know what to say mate” Adam says “congrats, I suppose” 

looking around the table I tell them all that were all here for some fun, so lets leave it. They do and we spend most of the night laughing at stupid stories about Aaron and Adam. Both of them have become very curious about Mark.

“So how did you and Robert meet, I mean you've heard all our stories so it's your turn, come on spill.” Adam says all of a sudden, I look at Mark were both deciding what to say.

“We worked together” We say at the same time. Were getting strange looks from the other two now. Aaron asks what we did, Mark says that we helped people find what they needed at the time. 

“Like private dicks then?” Adam say seriously, we burst out laughing, Mark into his pint, Aaron smacking Adam's arm.

“Have you any idea how that just sounded” I say through my laughter. Adam clicks on to why were all laughing and goes bright red. The alcohol if flowing through us now and were all relaxed.

“No, no lads, I meant you helped people find their lost dogs or something.” It's funny watching Adam trying to redeem himself, yet I keep glancing over to Aaron smiling, finding my composure, I say yes and other stuff. He asks if we have ever broke any big cases.

“Oh, yes” Mark says loudly, playfully winking at Lawrence as he passes the table heading towards the toilets , luckily they didn't notice, but I did, hitting him hard in the leg.

“Well I did all the hard work, he just did the filing” Mark says shoving my shoulder. 

The conversation goes on like that for a while before Mark change the subject, looking at Adam. “So tell me Adam, have you never considered seeing what it like on the flip side of the coin?” He's flirting with him now, just in jest though.

“Well erm..... I, no I haven't.”

“Oh come on mate, there was that time that you and me, ye know.” A tipsy Aaron says.

“You tried to kiss me mate, never did anything back did I.” He's slowly going beetroot, Aaron puts his arm over his shoulder saying sorry, only joking. I been watching Aaron all night, it's good to see him enjoying himself, even though I see him using his breathing exercises a few times.

“Right, can we leave my brother-in-law alone now, he's getting embarrassed.”

“All right.” Mark says “Aaron any special man in your life at the moment?”

I look up from my pint, some thing's wrong, Aaron's sat frozen to the stop staring across the bar, with fear filled eyes. Mark asks what's wrong, I look at Adam shifting my head towards Aaron, he sees it to, we look to see what he's looking at, I've suddenly become sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> messages welcomed


	24. Support From The Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon makes a scene at the pub

Chapter 24 – Support From The Unexpected

 

Aaron - 

I'm having a good night for the first time in ages, even though I think there's more to Robert's and Mark's past, I'll get it out of him at some point. Mark has just asked Adam if he would ever try being with a man, in his own way anyway, it makes me laugh to see him go red like that, so I remind him of our almost kiss making him worse. Throwing my arm across his shoulders saying I'm sorry, only joking, I catch something out the corner of my eye, quickly removing my arm, focusing on it. I can hear Robert and Mark saying something, but can't make it out, my only focus is the sight before me. I want to move, run, but I can't physically move, I feel fear building up in me, I'm trying to do my breath exercises , but something is stopping me. It's him, he's here, why did he come back.

 

Robert - 

 

I lean over the table, shaking a shocked Adam's hand, telling him to call Cain, knowing Chas is with him, and the police. Mark asks me what's wrong, all I say is that I may need his help with this one. Gordon staggers over to Kerry who's sat at the bar, he throws an sloppy arm over her shoulders making her jump, looking at him confused, Chrissie and Lawrence look on bemused by the situation.

“Do you know,” a drunken Gordon says to Kerry “how much I love my son, and hat does he do” he continues raising his arms in the air, I'm not going to confront him unless there is a direct threat to Aaron, “he tells lies” there's a bitterness in his voice as he slurs, “lies, lies, LIES!”  
repeating the word growing louder each time.

That's it, I know I shouldn't but I stand up, rage engulfing me, telling Adam to keep an eye on Aaron. He says not to do anything stupid, but I can't promise that, Mark follows me, moving past me he acts all friendly towards Gordon saying 'come on mate, I think you've had to much for tonight, time to go home,eh' gently touching Gordon's arms.

“No” Gordon shouts, shrugging off his arms “no” he's pointing around the bar at no one in particular “you try your best, try to teach you kids respect” I want to hit right now, Mark stops me giving me a look, “and what to you get in return, hey” he swaying about the middle of the bar, unsteady on his feet. “What you get is a lying little shit like that!” his words are like venom as he points to Aaron who is visibly shaking, everyone in the bar watching both of them now in horror, “all I did was give some discipline, like any parent would, really what's the harm in that, I ask you.........anyone want to answer me?” everyone falls silent as he turns in a circle looking at them.

He's turn his attention directly to Aaron, staggering towards him, that's it I've had enough, Lawrence watching to see what I do next, anger and hatred fuelling me I grab hold of his left arm.

 

“Get out, NOW!” I yell at him, he tries to swing for me with his right, stopped by Mark grabbing onto it, Kerry gasps in the background “Your filth, you now that .”. I'm so focused on him right now, I don't see Lawrence get up, Chrissie telling not get involved, but he ignores her. Gordon's trying to break from our hold, swearing to us, calling us all sorts.

“Need a hand?” Lawrence asks, the concern in his voice genuine. I'm so focused on Gordon, Mark tells him to take over for me, he knows I want to check on Aaron. He does, taking a tight hold of his arm. I go back to Aaron, he's shaking badly now, his eyes searching for what I don't know, I say to Adam that we need to get him into the back, holding gently on each side we stand him up, slowly walking him behind the bar.

“Come on you little puff, you loved it, you know you did.” Gordon slur, Lawrence's face changes, tightening his grip, making Gordon shout in pain. We sit Aaron down on the sofa, I tell Adam to stay with him, Diane is running down stairs, having heard the shouting, I ask her to stay with him too and make my way straight to Gordon.

“You stay away from him, you hear me.” My tone low determined. He laughs and tries to spit at me, hitting the floor instead. The door slams open as Cain and Chas run through it moving directly to Gordon, Cain grabbing the back of his neck like a vice, Chas shouting 'where's Aaron?', I tell her he's safe in the back, she runs to be with him.

“If you have touched a single hair on his head, I'll kill you!” Cain whispers into his ear, Gordon laughs again, angering Cain even more, he starts to drag him back, ready to course some damage.

“No Cain, the police are on their way, you remember what Aaron said” he looks at me  
and nods, I can see him thinking.

“All right.” Cain pauses, “Sit 'IT' down there.” He points to a near by seat, I grab him as well and the four of us force him down onto the seat. “Don't let 'IT' move.” spiting as he says it. Myself and Mark stand over him pushing him back down when he tries to get up, Cain has gone to make sure Aaron is Ok, coming back moments later. We move aside, you can see Gordon is terrified of Cain, the fury in his eyes, he hovers over him making Gordon panic. “Why did you come back, got a death wish have you, no one..........and I mean no one does that to a member of my family and gets away with it!” 

I stand back, watching Cain at his best, Mark and Lawrence come over to me, Lawrence looks over to see if Chrissie is Ok, she's sat in shock from what she has just witnessed, Kerry and the others too, turning to me, he keeps his voice low, so only the three of us can here. Cain glancing over to us as we speak.

“ Is this why you wanted to find that woman?”

“Yes” I grunt through my teeth, anger still building, Mark holds my arm to try and calm me down.

“Ok,” Lawrence takes a pause, thinking, then looks at Mark “I have a job for you, look into that piece of scum, dig up everything that you can, and send me the bill.” I'm shocked, moving to look at me his voice becomes stern, “now listen Robert, I don't like you, I don't like Aaron, but scum like that deserves to be locked away or worse.” There's a look in his eyes I've seen before, but never in his before. He turns to walk away, but turns back to me.

“Why............why that amount?” Looking at him, I can still see that look. I don't know what to say, “ is it for him, for all of this?” I find my voice, knowing he is being genuine.

“Aaron meeds a good lawyer, he can't afford one.” I let my guard down and look to the floor, he lifts my chin to look at me.

“Come see me tomorrow, bring Cain with you.” he nods, turns and heads back to Chrissie who starts questioning him.

When the police arrive Cain acts calm as he speaks to them and they take Gordon away without a fight, telling everyone that they will need to make a statement. Cain walks over to me, giving Mark a look, so he back off, looking between me and Lawrence. “I think we need to talk, Sugden.”, yes we do I think to myself.


	25. A Surprise For Cain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cain and Robert go and see Lawrence

Chapter 25 – A Surprise for Cain

 

I'm driving to talk to Cain, only to pull an emergency stop, oh and guess who it was, Cain, a look of thunder on his face, here we go. Cain came round to my window as let it down, 'me and you, words now' he said, I roll my eyes and look at him. 

“Get in the car Cain, we have to be some where.” I said bluntly, he huffed and walked to the passenger door opening it, “did you manage to calm Aaron down last night?”, yet again they had told me to leave, he doesn't answer me. Mark left with me,before getting into his taxi telling me anything he finds he will bring straight to me.

“Where we going, Sugden?” he snapped at me as I drove.

“We have an appointment” I'm not sure if I want to tell who, in the mood he is in. He glares at me, asking who, I hold my breath before answering, “Lawrence, he asked for me and you to go see him today.” he doesn't look any happier, if anything worse. He just grunted, staying in a silent huff till we get there.

 

******************************************

 

Deciding to knock on the office door this time instead of barging in, we heard Lawrence shout to us to come in, opened the door and entered. Lawrence sat behind his desk, going through some paper work, by the time we got to him they where in a neat pile.

“Lawrence,” I said nodding to him.

Lawrence looked up at us. “Robert, Cain.” he smiles, but only a small one, “take a seat.”

We sat down in front of the desk, Cain going inpatient, “ What this about?” he asked trying to be nice. Lawrence stands and hands Cain a business card, Cain takes it and reads it, he seems confused by it. Holding it up to ask what's this for.

“Cain, she's the best in her field, she can help Aaron.” Cain gives him a look of shock.

“You don't know anything about it!” he snaps at Lawrence, I see that look in his eyes again, I don't know if I should say something. He walks around the desk to us, I'm trying to read his emotions, but there are a mix of them, hurt, regret and I think even a little scared.

“I saw and heard enough last night to know, I will freely admit to not liking Aaron” he looks at me when he says it. “ but that sort of thing should never happen to anyone, I'm offering to help Aaron and your family Cain.” Cain has calmed down now, even he can see that the offer is genuine.

“We don't have the money for this, it's to expensive.” Cain sighs.

Touching Cain's arm so he will look at me I say that 'I've already sorted it' he looks at me surprised. Lawrence has other idea's.

“ No, Robert keep the settlement money, use to help some where else, you've honestly earn t it over the years. Now Cain I have spoken to her already, she's waiting for your call and all bills will come directly to me.” We both look shocked now, why was he doing this, “I don't want to see scum like walk free."

“Are you sure about this?” Cain would usually fight instead of take offers like this, but when it came to his family he would do anything.

“Very sure, ring her.” pausing slightly, he continued “Cain would you mind if I have a word with Robert in private?” Cain shakes his head, says thank you to Lawrence, and says he'll wait for me outside. 

I'm becoming scared to be here on my own, after last time and the way I let my guard down last night. He doesn't look angry with me, it's like he understands why I did it. We sit back down in the same sits me and Cain had sat, he looks thoughtful, like he knows what he what's to say but can't speak them. When he finally starts I sit and listen, in this one conversation I realise that I never know Lawrence at all.

 

**************************************

 

Walking out I feel drained, Cain sees me and tells me to hurry up, so we get in the car and drive back. On the why there Cain suggests hiring a private detective to dig around Gordon's past.

“Already done.” I say looking at Cain.

“You do surprise me Sugden, when did you sort that out?”

“Used one to find Sandra, Lawrence is paying for him to this as well.” Cain smiles.

“So why is the old man doing this?” He asks, that what I wanted to know at first, now that I do I wish I didn't.

“He has his reasons.” I answer him.


	26. Act Of Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's worried Aaron's hit a new low

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide attempt, if this can trigger anything please don't read. I found this one hard to write, if it doesn't sound right in places I'm sorry.

Chapter 26 - Act Of Desperation

 

In the two months that have past things have moved quickly, Gordon was arrested, with Aaron's and Sandra's statements, plus the information Mark found and the incident in the pub it was clear to the court that Gordon should be kept on remand. Aaron life has become normal again, I say normal but he still has bad days, he's smiling more though, going out with friends and family, he is still going to counselling, he's even spoken about what they talk about in there. At the beginning of them he never would, it's like he hide away, now he seems, I don't know, free. Although today when I saw him, he looked troubled, I'd gone into the back room of the pub, he was sat at the table writing in a note book. I've seen him do it before, yet have never asked about what he's writing, he had explained it to me in the past, telling me he writes down the things he doesn't feel comfortable saying.

“Hey” I say breaking his thoughts, he quickly closed the note book putting it into his pocket before he looks at me.

“Hey” his eyes are red, he's been crying

I join him at the table, he's trying not to keep eye contact, now I know some things wrong, I reach out to hold his hand to say that he can talk to me, but he stands quickly and bolts out the room. As he did I noticed some thing fall out his pocket, it's not his note book so pick it up, the envelope reads HM Prisons, I don't know if I should open it or find him to give it back, it's been opened so I take out the card inside. Reading the card I'm shocked, why would that prick send Aaron a visiting order, did he want to intimidate him again, I put it back and go to find him, it's late and it's dark, and he could do anything to himself in this mood.

I've been looking for hours tried calling him and got no answer, tried the scrap yard, the garage, even Vic's on the off chance and every where else I could think of at the time. I'm so worried now, I keep thinking to myself, if I were Aaron where would I go?, it would have to be quiet, away from people. I can feel myself shivering now, it's getting cold out and he didn't have a coat on, then it dawns on my, I know exactly where he is.

My heart is racing, my feet can't move fast enough until I reach the graveyard, in the distance I see something, it look like, oh my god it is, it's Aaron. Running faster I slide to my knees when I get to him, calling his name, slapping his face, his response is groggy, looking around there's an empty bottle of vodka and a pill bottle. No, Aaron,no you haven't have you, picking up the pill bottle , it's empty to, rolling him over to his side I push two of my fingers down his throat making him gag and throw up. I'm shaking as I get my phone and call an ambulance, they talk me through checking his breathing, his pulse, I'm panicking , they say to talk to him if he's conscious, slapping him again he slurs something at me, I end up screaming at him to stay awake. I call Cain on speaker phone at the same time, he answers saying 'it's late fuck off', but all he can is me screaming at Aaron, he asks where we are panicking, I shout the graveyard. He's soon there, shaking Aaron trying to keep him awake as well, Aaron's eyes slowly close and don't open again as the ambulance crew come running over and ask us to move aside. Cain tells me to go with him, he's going to get Chas and will follow on, tears are pouring down my face, I'm finding it hard to breath. I watch them lift him onto a stretcher, see something fall and pick it up, it's his note book.

 

****************************************

 

I'm pacing back and forth when Chas and Cain run into the waiting room, Chas is crying, Cain in shock, their asking me questions at the same time, my head can't separate them, my chest goes tight, I can't breath, I brace myself against the wall trying to take deep breaths in. Cain sees I'm struggling and helps me over to a seat, calling a nurse, she kneels in front of me and tells me to breath at the pace she is, not long after my breathing has slowed, my head fuzzy, I can't focus, all I can think about is Aaron., my head in my hands, refusing to see a doctor.

He's been in there for hours, my breathing back to normal, Chas sits next to me rubbing my back, I tell her I'm sorry about before, she says it's Ok were all worried, what I don't say is that every time I close my eyes I see Aaron laying there on the ground. Cain comes back from the desk, they said the doctor will be out to see us soon, he wants answers, then I remembered the card, I take it out my pocket and pass it to him. He's becoming angrier as he reads it, screaming 'I'm going to kill him', Chas takes it off him and reads it, her face shocked, she starts shaking saying that 'he's meant to be with Gordon locked up, even from there he's gotten to him' and starts to cry. Cain holds on to Chas and doesn't let go. I tell them I need some air and go outside, put my hands in my pocket and feels the note book, with all the worry I'd forgotten I'd picked it up, taking it out I do the one thing I said I wouldn't. I open it, read Aaron's words and cry sliding down the wall.

 

Jackson. 

How are you?, you OK?, I understand. It's all I hear now-a-days, the pain I feel inside, what I see when I close my eyes, the hatred for myself because he told me I was worthless, weak, useless, unlovable, born bad. They say they understand, all of them, but they don't, they don't feel the pain I feel, the things I see when I close my eyes, there my memories, how can they understand when they weren't even there when they happened. Only I know how it all feels like, the shame, guilt, how I felt it was all my fault, they'll never understand, never. My wrists hurt all the time, I now there's nothing wrong with them, but still, I remember the tight grip on them and they hurt again. I wish I could make sense of it sometimes, it's all just a mix of jumbled emotions all the time, fear, scared, self-loathing, when will it all end. He's sent me another one, why can't he leave me alone, he's in my head every second of everyday, I just want the pain to go away. Tell me Jackson, please I just want it all to go away. 

 

After composing myself, I put it back in my pocket, debating if I should show Chas yet, is this the reason for his act of desperation, returning to them the doctor approaches us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> messages always welcome


	27. Chas Finds Out All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chas finds out about Aarons cut

Chapter 27 – Chas Finds Out All 

 

The nurse shows me to Aaron's room while Chas and Cain talk to the doctor, room three, I laugh thinking they must have put it on standby. It's not funny I know, but right now even the worst humour is giving my mind a break from the worry. Aaron's asleep in the bed, he look peaceful, this is probably the most sleep he's had in awhile, his arms above the covers, an IV in his hand. The scar on his arm visible, so I ask the nurse is it can be covered up, his mum's already worried enough without adding that to it, she does slipping the arm under the covers. Going round to the other side of the bed I pull the chair up to the bed, sit down taking his free hand in mine, talking to him saying that this feels familiar, laughing a little as I do, I tell him that when you wake up were going to have a chat and that I can't lose you, even if that means you moving in with me so I can be there when ever you need me. The nurse smiles at me, saying he can probably hear every word I'm saying, I tell her that's good because I mean every word. 

Chas and Cain come in a short time after, I look up at them and ask what the doctor said, Chas opens her mouth to speak but can't, she looks at Cain who answers. He tells me that they had to pump his stomach, they will be keeping him under observation for a bit to see if there is any lasting damage from what he took but they think they got most of them out, and he's on medication to counter act them just in case, they say he should be Ok. I'm looking at Aaron as he said it, my tears building up again, I ask him do they know when he'll wake up, he says they said that he would in his own time, that from his physical condition when he was brought in it may be awhile. I'm trying to absorb all the information, it's swirling round in my head, I ask did they said anything else, Cain nods saying that he had taken Chas's pills, Chas starts crying again, and if he hadn't of vomited then it could've been worse. A little smile lifts on my face, I feel relieved, I was so scared that I had pushed down to far and hurt him, Cain sees my reaction and asks if he had been sick himself or did I make him. I tell him I did, he puts his hand on my shoulder saying that's two he owes you then, Chas looks startled at what he said demanding to know what Cain means, I look up at Cain, nether of us know what to say. Tell her Cain saying giving me that look, I look at him nervously, I don't think she is going to take this well.

How do I tell her, she looks so broken, think,think Robert, god there's only one thing to start with, I stand up leaning over Aaron and uncover his arm, she gasps as she sees the long scar. I found him at the scrap yard, he was about to leave for good, I tell her, I was trying to talk him out of it when he collapsed, I saw the cut and brought him here. Why didn't you tell me, she screams at me, Cain holding her back saying just listen to him, she stops as she is about to say something and glares at me. The cut had gone septic, I continue, they said he could have died if he hadn't got here when he did, I can't look at her, she maybe angry but her eyes are full of pain, he made me promise not to tell you. When,when did this happen, she's whispering now, lowering herself into the chair again, I gulp before asking her, do you remember when you where having the argument with him, when I hit Gordon, she nods, I had just dropped him of from here. You know, she says pointing at me, you know, how long Robert, how long had you known? About a week, he was a mess Chas, I promised him I wouldn't say anything, that's when he started seeing Jill. You got him to talk to someone, I'm his mum I could have helped him!, she's shaking. No, I say, I encouraged him to talk to someone, he did that all by himself.

 

Were all tired, it's been hours and he's still just laying there, we've taken turns to talk to him, tell him that we'll work through it, that we love him, well Chas and Cain have I'm saving that, I don't feel comfortable saying it around them. Earlier Chas thanked me for the last time he was here, for listening to him when she wouldn't because of Gordon manipulating her just like he had done to Aaron as a child. Around seven in the morning I say to Chas that I'm going to leave them to it, I'll come back later with some things for him, knowing that she will not leave his side, and did she want me to tell Paddy to come, she nods and says thank you, Cain had left about three o'clock saying he had something to sort today so he would return in the evening.

The taxi pulled up outside Paddy's, I can hear Rhona and Paddy laughing in the kitchen, taking a few sharp breaths I knock on the door, seconds later Rhona opens it, looks at me and her smile fades when she sees the worry on my face. I know that Paddy has told her everything and she is concerned as well, she steps aside and let's me in, Paddy stood by the sink eating his toast, his face drops when he sees me. It's Aaron isn't it, Robert tell me? He's panicking now, Rhona stands next to him rubbing his arm, Paddy is like a father to Aaron, he loves him like a son. Paddy, I say, Aaron took an overdose last night, he's shaking, he's alive Ok, Chas is at the hospital with him she want you to go in if you can. Paddy is in a blind panic now, fumbling about trying to find his car keys, which ward he asks, I tell him and Rhona says go I'll call Van in to cover, we watch him run out the door headed to his son. Rhona looks at me with a concerned smile asking if I'm Ok, I shake my head and say no.

I've tried to sleep but all I see is Aaron laying there helpless, I'm just laying on my bed trying not to think of the 'what ifs'. Looking at my phone It's noon, so I get up and head to the pub to get Aaron's things, I wish I had a key for the back door, the thought of going through the bar terrifies me, people asking me questions I don't know the answers to, that's if they haven't found out yet, I hope they haven't.


	28. Open Your Eyes

Chapter 28 – Open Your Eyes

 

Robert - 

Keep your head down, get through there, get Aaron's stuff and go, I thought to myself as I entered the bar, so I did until a hand grabbed my arm, it was Adam, not looking happy, 'tell Aaron a text would've been nice, I know his going through stuff but he usually texts, it's mad busy at the yard' he says, I shake my arm away and continue walking not giving a reply. I see Diane come from the back room as I go behind the bar, she give me a worried look and follows me back, 'how is he pet?' she asks, I close my eyes and shake my head, she draws me in wrapping her arms around me,'still unconscious' I whisper leaning in to the hug. Silent tears start from my eyes, pulling out of the hug I wipe them away, 'what if I hadn't of found him Diane, he.....h..he would...b...be...' I can't say it, I don't want to say it but it's true, if I hadn't of found him he would be dead now. 'Don't you think like that, you hear me, your stronger than that', she says with honest eyes, I nod wiping my eyes again, 'I..I need to go get some stuff for him, then I'm going back to the hospital'. I go to his bed room, get the stuff and leave through the back door.

 

Aaron - 

My eyes are heavy, I'm trying to open them but I can't, and what's that noise, a constant beeping, oh my head hurt so much, I try my eyes again. One opens slightly, every things out of focus so I close it again, now there's another sound, muffled, it sounds like my name, someone saying my name. This time Aaron ,I tell myself, it taken all the energy I have but finally manage to get them open, now all I need to do is focus, in front of me is a blur of colours from the sound of the bleeping and I can hear rushed footsteps. Why is everyone calling my name, Christ that's bright, I'm blinking to try and keep the sharp light out of my eyes, the muffles are becoming clearer, it's mum and Paddy, saying every things going to be all right. I'm trying to bat the light away, but I can hardly lift my arm, I feel so tired, I think I'll sleep a bit and close my eyes. 

 

Robert -

The doctors rushing into Aaron's room, please ,please let him be Ok, I can't lose him, I quicken my pace only to be stopped by a nurse saying 'he has opened his eyes let the doctor take a look at him', I can see Chas and Paddy looking worried, I'm scared now. The doctor steps out of the room saying to the other nurse 'keep close ob's on Mr. Livesy, he should come fully around at any time'. Entering Chas has retaken her seat holding Aaron's hand, I put the bag on the table and walk round to Chas putting my hand on her shoulder, she looks up 'he opened his eyes' she says crying, Paddy's on the other side of the bed holding his other hand softly willing Aaron to wake up. A different doctor comes in now, it's Dr. Bailey, she smiles and says my name, I nod back at her, she introduces herself to Chas and Paddy. She says that all Aaron's vital signs are good, and the fact that he has opened his eyes means that he could wake up properly at any time, when he does they will have to do further tests to see if there is any lasting damage and all we can do now is wait. She looks at the three of us asking how we are all coping, Paddy says he's fine, but Chas and myself can't speak we just nod at her. There's a nurse coming in every fifteen minutes, taking down numbers from the machine on to the chart. I say to Chas that I will stay with him tonight if she wants to head home for a break, she refuses, Paddy tells her it might not be a bad idea, I assure her if any thing changers I will call her. So it's just me and Aaron now, one hand holding his and the other on his shoulder, I sit and talk, I don't know if he can hear me, the nurse said probably can so I talk, I tell him about the new films coming out that I'm going to take him to see when he gets out of here, the new Audi I wouldn't mind getting, the cottage in the village I'm thinking of buying and the hope I have that one day it will our home as husbands, I laugh at that one. The most important thing I say is about what I got in the post today, my divorce has been finalised at last, so now were free of the White's, Chrissie especially. 

 

Aaron -

That stupid bleeping is still there, why won't it stop, beyond that I can hear someone talking, the Audi sounds good, was that about a cottage, I recognise the voice now, It's Robert. He was defiantly talking about buying a cottage and a husband, I'm hearing things, next he says he's free from the White's. I feel my becoming lighter, open your eyes, Aaron thought, it takes me a couple of tries and opens them, Focusing I see Robert, he's holding my hand, his head lent to them. I scan the room, where am I? Then I see the machine next to me, I'm in hospital, my head is banging and I feel so groggy, Robert is still talking, about how he sees our future, house, car, if he says kids next I'm going to knock him out. I'm can't find my voice, my throat is so dry, 'Robert' I manage to say in a horsed whisper, he gasps, smiles and moves closer saying my name, 'I'm never going to marry you' I say, he starts to laugh, but is crying at the same time.

 

Robert -

He's woken up, I'm so relieved, I've just rang Chas to tell her, she sounded so happy, they ushered my out of the room so they can see to him, I want them to hurry up so I can get back in there. They let me in about ten minutes later, Aaron is laying facing the wall, I go round and sit next to him, he looks at me giving me a little smile, 'you gave us a scare' I say to him, he doesn't say anything back. I can see the tears forming in his eyes, it's like he wants to say some thing but he can't. Trying to change the subject I ask him 'so why won't you marry me?', he closes his eyes and shakes his head calling me a muppet, he voice is low and horse so get a glass of water with a straw, telling him to take sips for now. He says he heard his mum and Paddy earlier, I tell him that they were here and that I have let them know he's awake, the doctors said it would be better for them to come in in the morning. He tells me that he feels like he has slept for a week, looking at the clock I say 'well nearly two days but who's counting', I'm just so relieved he's Ok, I know there's along way to go but with all of us behind him, we'll get him there. He gulps a couple of time then says 'Robert come here' patting the bed, pulling my shoes off I climb up next to him, he look my in the eyes saying' I only wanted to go to sleep and not dream' tears rolling from his eyes ' I didn't mean to take so many, I'm so sorry' his head leans to my chest as he cries, I fold my arms around him stroking circle on his back.


	29. Road To Recovery Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tells Robert one of his fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of depression, if any triggers please don't read

Chapter 29 – Road To Recovery Part 1

 

Aaron -

It feels like I've been in here forever, in truth it's only been four days, two of them I had been unconscious, the other two being constantly talked at. Mum. Robert and Paddy have been in every day, I think Robert thinks I'm gong to another runner, Paddy and mum keep saying 'I'm here if you want to talk'. I can't though, for some reason my mind blocks me from want I want to say to them, that I'm sorry and I'll never go anything like it again, but all I can see when they look at me is the hurt in their eyes. So now I can't even look at them, I feel ashamed and guilty for putting through this, I can't look at anyone, the staff all look at me with what feels like pity, I can't take it. It's gotten to the point that when anyone is in here I find myself staring at the machine, watching the lights and numbers to distract me from their words. The only people I do talk to are the doctors, giving them yes and no answers mostly, they said that all the tests they have done have come back clear so there will be no lasting damage from the sleeping pills. The one thing I have learnt from seeing Jill is that I should be honest with the doctors, so when they asked me how I was feeling I answered them, even if that's one of the questions I hate most. I told them how I feel trapped in my own mind some times, no matter how hard I try to escape my thoughts I can't. The memories of what happened to me, what he did to me, on replay over and over again, the feeling of fear and dread that fill me at the thought of standing in court and giving evidence against the man who should be a father and not a monster. They asked me if they could send someone from their mental health team, I said no, but asked if they could get in contact with Jill, I don't want to go back and start from square one again.

 

I've watched them some times when their reading through their my notes, wondering what their looking for, Dr. Bailey looked at me with a concerned smile, I think she's expecting a bad response from me, she said from looking at my past history and what's going on now that I'm showing signs of depression, I snapped back at her ' I'm not depressed, I just have a lot of shit going on right now', from the look she gave me told me she was expecting said response. Even so she would like to start me on anti-depressants to see if they help, I begrudgingly agree on the express instructions that nothing that has been said here are to be repeated to anyone who doesn't need to know, especially my family, I may have agreed but feel weak at the thought that I may need them. She asked if I had any question, nodding I ask when can I go home?, she said when I've finished the treatment, she also wants me to assessed to see if I am a further risk to myself, I actually laughed a little at that before becoming serious saying, trust me never again, she looked at me saying it has to be done. She also told me that the anti-depressants can take a time to settle into my system, so wants to be sure their working, then we can talk about going home, I lean my head on the pillow rolling my eyes. 

 

Meal times are the worst, I've found that I'm playing with the food, if you could call it that, moving it around the plate with the plastic fork, they don't even trust me with proper cutlery, the first two days of taking the citalopram, the anti-depressant every time I ate my stomach would churn and I'd throw it back up, they said it might happen at first, it's settled down now, but I haven't got a big appetite at the moment so I'm eating little and often. Until I am fully able to eat properly they said the IV would have to stay in, they make me sleepy as well, I've found myself nodding off all the time, which is the one thing I dread most, in case I dream. I've been having a new nightmare lately, it's worse than the others, there real, there my memories, again I feel my eyes grow heavy and close.

 

'I'm standing in court about to give evidence, I'm trying not to look at him but can feel his eyes boring into me, when I do all I can see is fury and hate in them. I'm frozen to the spot. They begin to ask me questions, I open my mouth and nothing comes out, I want to say it, I want him to rot in hell for what he did to me, but it doesn't. Everybody in the gallery, including my family starts shouting LIER at me, my chest grows tight, I can't breath and the judge declares that if I can't give evidence then there is no case to answer, telling Gordon that he is free to go, he laughs smugly. He's won.'

 

I sat up straight, my eyes wide, tears felling down my face, I can feel the sweat running down my forehead, jumping as I feel a hand on my shoulder, looking round I see Robert. He removes his hand, he's fiddling about in his pocket, taking some thing out, it's my note book and a pen, I've been getting bits of paper from the staff before now, he goes to hand it over to me, I grab it giving him a look. Holding his hands up he says he hasn't looked at it, but I know him to well to know that he has, immediately I turn away from him laying on my side and start to write.

 

Roberts still sat there, an hour ago he said he was going to get me to talk to him, but it hasn't worked yet, he's started by telling me what was happening in the village, David holding a hen party in the shop, Edna deciding to stay where she is and sell her cottage. Then he moves onto stupid stuff like animé, films I don't really care about, any thing and everything that will get any little reaction from me, just how much crap can someone find to come out of their mouths. I can't take it any more, I've tried to block out his voice, I just want quiet, he stops when the door opens and the nurse comes in with my medication, I nod to her and take them. He's seen all the medication I've had whilst I have been in here, so when he sees a new one he asks me what it's for, still I don't answer him and he doesn't push, so he carries on talking. I swear he loves the sound of his own voice, he's even laughing at his own jokes, quickly I turn to him shouting 'SHUT UP'. He laughs at it saying that he knew he could get me to talk., I turn away again and put my hands over my ears, but could help smiling slightly.

 

An hour later he was still talking, I couldn't ignore him any more, so I turned to face him, but still not looking at him, 'have you got anything interesting to say Robert' I said cutting him off mid sentence. He looked at me, seeing that wasn't looking at him, 'why can't you look at me, not just me anyone? ' he asked in a low voice, I closed my eyes, I wanted to say because I'm ashamed. I feel guilty for everything I've put you all through, but I couldn't instead I just shrugged my shoulders. It as like he had read my mind 'you've nothing to be feel guilty about, what you d.....did, oh I don't know, why didn't you tell us about the visiting orders?' he must seen me flinch when he mentioned the visiting order, but he had said orders. I'm becoming angry now, I knew now that he has looked in my note book, I look at him, straight into his eyes, he backed off seeing how angry I was. 'I knew it, you looked didn't you' he says nothing 'DIDN'T YOU' I shouted at him, he's trying to figure out what to say I can tell. He starts to cry now saying 'after I found you, it fell out of your pocket, have you any idea what was gong through me head' he's starting to shout at me now, 'I needed to know what was going through your head wh.....when you did wh....what you did, so yeah I looked. It scared me, what you wrote down it scared me Aaron, why couldn't you have just told us?'. I'm fighting back the tears, it a loosing battle as they escape from my eyes, ' I don't know' I cried ' The thought of seeing him, it frightened me, and then I thought about facing him in court, it all got on top of me' I take in a sharp breath, ' what if I can't do it Robert.'. He came over to the bed, keeping a distance between us, his voice calm now, ' can't do what, Aaron?' he asked, he moves his hand up the bed so I can hold it if I want, I do and squeeze it tightly, 'what if....if I can't stand up in co......court, wh...what if they l...let him g....go because I can't tell them'. I feel myself completely braking down now, I can't control the tears, I'm shaking so much, 'Aaron' he says as he moves closer to me, lifting me to his body, arms wrapped around me, 'your the bravest person I now, you can do anything'. He lifts my head to look at him, 'and I promise never to look at your note book again.' he says pulling me in tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the messages and kudos's


	30. Road To Recovery Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's getting bored in the hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of depression, any triggers please don't read

Chapter 30 – Road To Recovery Part 2

 

Aaron-

Breath in, breath out, god I'm so bored, I've been in here nearly two weeks now, I just want to go home, sleep in my own bed, have a pint, no can't do that as I'm not allowed to drink on the anti-depressants, how do I explain that to everyone. Jill has been round to see me few times, she said I should tell them, I told her that they will just think I'm weak, she shook her head saying no they won't, they will see someone who is dealing with their problems, she had paused for a second, and will be there to help you through the tough days. That was the other day, I've asked mum,Paddy, Robert and Cain to come in later, I'm hoping to have the courage to tell them, but I'll have to see when the time comes. Dr. Bailey has just come in, her smile is a little more happy today, 'how are you today, Aaron? She asks, I roll my eyes saying I'm bored, her smile grows wider saying that that is good sign and that I've been eating a lot better so the IV can be removed today, but then her face becomes serious. She comes over and sits on the bed, she never does that, looking at me for a moment ' there's a DS Wise here to see you' she watches as my breathing begins to quicken, 'you don't have to speak to him if you don't feel ready', I shake my head saying no let him come in. She nods her head and asks me if I want her to stay while they are here, I nod and say yes, she opened the door and asks them in, DS Wise stood at the end of the bed asking how I was, stupid question I thought I'm in hospital. 'Now Aaron given your situation right now I wanted to speak to you about this in person' he said softly 'the trial date has been set for two weeks from now', I can feel my chest becoming tight at his words. Breath in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and breath out, I repeated it a few times, he waited till I was ready to continue ' I've spoken to your doctors the other day, and to the courts today,' he looked at me in a way to to see if I was taking in what he was saying, I nod my head, 'we all concur that you are not, I don't want to appear horrible when I say this Aaron, it's a technical term Ok' I nod again, 'we have all concurred that you are not mentally fit to take the stand.' I look at him in shock, 'what so he gets away with it then, everything he did, everything I've gone through, reporting it, ripping my whole family apart, it was for nothing.' I can't believe what I've just heard. He shakes his head, 'no Aaron it's not for nothing, the courts have said that you can give your evidence, but it will be recorded for the jury, there will be you, your lawyer, his lawyer, the judge and a doctor present' he walks round to me,' you don't have to see him at all'. I'm looking down, there's one thing I have to ask him, 'will my family have to see it?' I whisper, I look at him now, he looks confused, I take a deep breath, 'there are things that I told you that I have never told them, any of them'. 'What did you tell them? He asked me, ' most of it, but there are things I left out, things I know would have destroyed them', I say wiping away the tears from my face, he placed his hand on my shoulder, ' I'll speak to the courts and see if we can get a closed court that day, I can't promise anything but I'll try' I look up at him saying thank you.

 

A little later Dr. Bailey came to see how I was coping after speaking to DS Wise, I say I'm Ok now I have had time to think about it and that I was sorry for my out burst, she told me not to worry about it. I stopped her before she went to leave, and her to take a seat, she does and asks what she can do for me, I tell her that I realise now that I am depressed, and probably have been for a long time. She says that accepting it is the first step to recovery, I nod at her, then I ask her if it would be possible for her to be here later when my family are here, that 'I know need to tell them but don't know if I can'. Nodding she says 'yes', 'there's one more thing' I say 'if I can't do it, would you?', all she says is 'if that's what you want Aaron', I nod saying it is. When the time came I couldn't do it, I tried to tell but couldn't, so I asked Dr. Bailey if she would, but not in here, I was so scared to see their reactions. Mum would be heart broken, Robert worried, Paddy shocked and Cain, well it's hard to gauge what he's thinking at the best of times. I feel like I've been holding my breath until they came back in, mum ran over to me giving me a hug, Paddy said he was sorry for not seeing the signs, I told him it was Ok nether did I, Robert said that we'll get through this together and Cain stayed silent not knowing what to say, I think that hurt me the most.

 

They let me go home two days later, my counselling sessions have been changed to twice a week, god it felt good to be home, even though I know now that there will be a constant watch on me, I think their taking turns. At first when I said I was tired mum wouldn't let me go to my room on my own. I snapped at her saying ' you've probably gone and removed everything in there that I can hurt myself with anyway', the look she gave me told me she had so I stormed up stairs to my now bare room, laying on my bed I thought, great start to coming home Aaron. I opened my bag pulling out the crumpled up clothes, finding the medication and put on the bedside, no doubt they will be moved and hidden away from me at some point.

 

Robert came to see me earlier, saying he has just brought Edna's cottage, and did I want to help him redecorate with him, I said to is that to keep an eye on me, he laughed saying no, cheap labour, I had to laugh at that and said yes, if anything it will get me away from mum. I'd asked Robert to fill Adam on what's been happening, he said he already had, not about the depression but the other stuff, I'm not angry with him for it, he says Adam said to come back to work when I was ready. So a week later I went back to work part time on Adam's orders and started on Robert's new place in the evening, I don't know, it felt good to be busy, I was so tired when I got home I went straight to sleep. Don't get me wrong I'm still having nightmare, but now knowing I don't have to face him in court has helped, I know I'm a long way from getting better, but this, this is the start of my road to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments allways welcomed.


	31. Walls Will Crumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has a bad day after giving evidence

Chapter 31 – Walls Will Crumble

 

I'd asked Aaron if he wanted to go back to the pub or somewhere else after what he had to do today, he said he needed to get his medication first but after that anywhere. I'd taken him to tape his evidence for the court, he'd paced back and forth in the corridor before they had come and introduced them selves to him. There was Ms.Taylor his lawyer, we had never told him Lawrence was paying for her, Cain said he'd pulled some favours and she was doing pro-bono. Mr.Gidian Gordon's lawyer , Judge Munro and Dr.Canter the court appointed doctor, who introduced himself as Phil. They had picked a neutral setting for it as not to panic Aaron to much, the building in Leeds was an old one, with high ceilings, I know this because I spent most of the time waiting for Aaron to come out staring at them, hoping he was all right in there. When the he came out two hours later, he eyes red and puffy from crying, he looked exhausted, the doctor was with him telling him he had done really well. When Aaron said he was going to the toilet the doctor came over to me saying that it had been very stressful for him in there and he may need to go somewhere calm and quiet before seeing a lot of people. 

He only said he was going in to take he medication, he's been ages, I hear the slamming of a door, Aaron runs over to the car and gets in, putting the backpack between his legs and tell me to drive, when I asked where he said he didn't care as long it wasn't back here, so I drove. I asked him what happened he told me he'd had enough of it there, his mum being over protective, she had hidden his tablets again and was wanting to dispense them to him like he was back in the hospital and after a blazing fight he finally got them off her. I said he could stay with me, but the only room that's fully set up to live in is the bedroom, saying that's fine when headed to a supermarket to pick up some microwave meals and drove back to mine, I did tell him if he's staying at mine he will have to strip, he looked at me in horror, laughing I said the wallpaper. 

Aaron walked in behind me, the living room was a mess, bits of wallpaper hanging off, no furniture yet, one of the walls with thick red square marked on it. I apologised for the state of the place, he just shrugged his shoulders and headed up stairs. I found him sitting on the bed, he'd ticked his shoes off from the looks of it and sat with his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them. This was the first room I'd finished, didn't want to sleep in a mess, double bed in the middle of one wall, opposite a chest of draws with a telly on top and a wardrobe next to to it, walls painted a neutral cream. I asked if I could sit down, I know this is my place but I don't want to make him feel nervous, well more nervous then he already is anyway, he said nothing so I sat and asked him if he wanted to watch a film, he shrugged his shoulders this time, it was something at least. Putting one on that I knew wasn't to his taste to see if I got any reaction from him, but he sat there hugging his knees staring into space, towards the end of the film I was feeling hungry so I asked him if he wanted any thing, he shook his head and I told him tough I'm going to nuke the meals and were both going to eat as I realised that we both hadn't eaten much today. Whilst I was in the kitchen I decided to ring Chas, telling her that he doesn't feel like being around a lot of people at the moment and he will be staying here tonight, she asked did he have a bad counselling session today, that confused me, had he not told them about giving evidence, so I lied to her saying I think so he hasn't spoken about it. We ended by me saying that I'll text her later to say how he is, we've started doing that now, don't get me wrong we're not spying on him, we're just worried and I know with Chas's PTSD I don't want her to be in a panic either. Placing the tray on the bed I carefully sat down ass not to wobble the plates, taking mine and putting it on the bedside table then pacing the other towards Aaron, he shook his head, I said that he needed to eat something to which he became angry, moving for the first time since he sat down, he took the plate from me and throw it against the wall, the curry sliding down, and resumed the position from before. Grabbing a towel from the bathroom I cleaned up the mess asking him if he wanted to try and get some sleep, he nodded this time, pulling the quilt open on my side he moved to his side, still laying in a ball, flinching when I covered him up. Knowing he wouldn't want anyone else in there with him I took the pillow from the other side and got the sleeping bag from the wardrobe, setting up a make shift bed on the floor, I wish he would talk to me I hate seeing him like this. The only thing he said to me was when I turned off the light, saying no, so I switched it back on telling him that I'm right here if he needed anything. I must have nodded off because when I woke up at one point I looked to see he wasn't there, panicking I moved to see where he had gone, to find him wrapped up in the quilt next to me, his arm over the sleeping bag, I let out a sigh of relief, lay my head back down and closed my eyes.

Fuck, I shouted as the wallpaper scrapper fit my foot not for the first time, I woke up early, my back aching from the floor, Aaron still asleep next to me so I left him there and rang Adam to say he wouldn't be in today. Careful, I heard Aaron say from the top of the stairs making his way down, I shook my head head and asked him if he wanted a brew, he nodded yes asking me what time it was, panicking when I told him it was one in the afternoon. Telling him to calm down, that I'd already rang Adam and he was fine with it, we sat on the floor with our teas I started to ask him how he was and had he taken his tablet, stupid of me I know, he cut me off mid question saying, don't I'm fine and before you ask, yes I have. Looking at one of the walls then to him, I had an idea, so I asked him if he wanted to help me with something, looking suspicious he asked me what, standing up I passed him some work gloves and safety goggles telling him that that wall is going if he wanted to start knocking it through, pointing to the sledge hammer leaning against the it. I almost caught him smiling at the thought, he got up picked the sledge hammer up, I didn't expect what he said as he swung it crumbling the plaster to the ground, with each swing he said a word and by the time he stopped I put the sentence together, 'why did they bring Jackson into it'. Shocked I asked him what he meant, closing his eyes and shaking his head he told me that Gordon's lawyer had questioned him about his involvement in Jackson's death, stating that he was lying and he just wanted to hurt someone the way he hurt Jackson, that that was the kind of twisted human being he was. He doesn't cry though, instead he started at the wall again until he had run out of energy, sliding down the other wall, taking two bottles and opening them I sat next to him, handing one to him, he he looked at me like I was stupid saying that I knew he can't drink, I told him to read the label, he did and took a swig of it, before when he was asleep I had gone to David's and brought some non-alcoholic beer, he's not not drinking but it seemed to give him a sense of normality.


	32. The Trial Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first two days of the trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not great with legal terms, so I'm sorry if some aren't right

Chapter 32 – The Trail Part 1

1st June Trial Day One -

 

The walk to the pub felt like forever, it's the first day of Gordon's trial, Aaron told Chas that he isn't able to attend as he is a witness, in truth I think he's terrified of being there, he still hasn't told them about recording his evidence, does he think that they will think he's weak, when we all know that he isn't. I'm in my own world when I bump into someone, saying sorry, regretting it when I see Chrissie, a mix of anger and smugness looking at me, 'sorry' she says with attitude, 'you've never been sorry for anything in your life,' she looks me up and down in my suit,'what's the occasion, oh yes, your little boyfriends daddy issues' she laughs, 'always did have screw loose that one'. Can feel myself getting more and more angrier as she's been spitting her words out, Lawrence runs up behind her telling her come along with him, I want to say what about your daddy issues, but then remembered what Lawrence had told me in confidence so I hold my tongue. Lawrence pulls her away saying good look for today, to Chrissie's dismay saying to he dad 'don't wish them luck he's lying anyway, can't get any attention so makes things up'. I want to turn and hit her in her smug face, but that wouldn't achieve anything, make me feel better but that would be about it, so I carry on to the pub.

We piled into the court room gallery, I sat at the back, Chas and the other Dingle's at the front, Cain next to Chas, probably to keep her from shouting at Gordon or anyone who said something she didn't like. Looking down I could see MS.Taylor and Mr.Gidian waiting for the proceedings start, hearing the words all be standing for Judge Munro, we did, a tall older woman walked through door and took her seat. It was when they called Gordon up I saw Cain take hold of Chas's arm whispering to her, by my guess he was saying to calm down and say nothing, but I felt like shouting as he walked in cane in hand walking weakly as if he was sick, that bastard I thought, he's using the cancer card to get sympathy, he stumbled to get to offices to help him to the stand, grabbing hold of the sides taking sharp breaths, it was when he looked I saw it that look he had in the pub that night, evil and cruel, he was looking for Aaron, I know he was. To do what, intimidate him, no doubt his lawyer had told him about his health problems, when he couldn't see him his attention went to Chas, a small evil smile on his face just for a second, then back to the cancer victim act for the court. He stated he name then the opening arguments began, Ms.Taylor went first describing Gordon as a man who used sexual and mental abuse to gain power and control of one Aaron Livsey, his son from the age of eight, stating the different ages Aaron was when he did these horrible and deprived acts to a defenceless child under his care. Also adding the information Mark had found. When it was Mr.Gidian's turn he claimed Aaron was a destructive, violet child who hated his father for dismissing him from the loving family home, because Mr Gordon Livsey was living in fear of Mr Aaron Livsey harming his then wife, Mrs Sandra Livsey and their seven year old daughter Olivia Livsey. That it was when Aaron Livsey hit his then step-mother that he acted in the best interests of his family, for this Aaron Livsey feels hurt by the rejection of his father so he concocted this vindictive story of abuse to seek revenge. I feel sick to my stomach at those words, Chas is on her feet now shouting you 'lying bastard, he's a monster can't you see that!', Cain trying to pull her down, as the Judge tells her to please refrain from shouting at the court or she will be removed. After they had been through everything the Judge declared court adjourned for the day to resume tomorrow at nine Am. 

 

 

2nd June Trial Day 2 -

 

We sat in the same places as yesterday, except for Marlon, who Cain instructed to sit on the other side of Chas. Aaron is with Adam while we are here, trying to keep him occupied at work, or at his, a hard job for anyone, but I think Adam is capable of it. He had asked last night how it went, none of us knew what to say, so we skimmed over it trying not to tell him the things Mr.Gidian had said about him. The prosecution called Sandra to the stand, asking her can you tell me what occurred one the nights of these events? She answered saying that Aaron had been playing up, getting into fights at school, stealing from them, and when they had happened Gordon would say he would sort it, get him back into line. Ms.Taylor asked where did Mr.Livsey put Aaron back in line as you say? She looks down, closing her eyes saying his bedroom. I watch Sandra, she's nervous, scared, she has not once looked at Gordon who is staring at her, Ms.Taylor continued,did you notice any changes in Aaron's behaviour after these events? Yes, she says, he would be withdrawn, nervous and didn't want to be touched. Ms.Taylor nods before asking, did you see any changes in the relationship between Aaron and his father? Yes, Sandra says, she's playing with her fingers nervously, what changes did you see? He become more cur sous of Gordon, when he came home from work Aaron would sit in the corner of the living room, like he didn't want to go to his room, when Gordon spoke to him, he would move quicker than normal to do what he said and he would never look his dad in the eyes, Sandra looked thoughtful saying, I thought that Gordon had given him a good talking to, it wasn't until after Aaron had moved out that I realised that it must been something worse. Can You elaborate Ms.Taylor asked, after Aaron went to live with his mother, after he hit me, I asked Gordon one night, he was in the kitchen looking out the window, what would happen if Aaron came back, he said he'd know he'd be punished, I......I saw him out the corner of my eye, he was rubbing his crotch as he said it. It was then I know what he had done to Aaron, it made me feel sick, did you fear that it impact on yourself or your daughter? Yes, she says, I scared he would do the same to Liv, so I packed up our stuff and left the next day, I couldn't let my daughter live with what I found out to be a monster. Objection Mr.Gidian calls to the court, I watch as the Judge turns to Sandra saying, can you please refrain from calling the defendant names, she nods saying sorry, no more questions you honour.

It's Mr.Gidian's turn to ask Sandra questions, he stood up ruffling through some papers before saying,did you have good a relationship with Aaron? Sometimes, she answers, when he was in trouble he could........,how do you mean sometimes,either you did or didn't? Yes and no, she cries, he could be......, Miss...., Objection, obstructing the witness to answer, Ms.Taylor called to the Judge. Sustained, can you please allow the witness to answer fully Mr.Gidian, he nods, please continue, Sandra looks really scared now, Aaron, when he was in trouble could become volatile, answer back, it was as if he wanted to be kicked out, now I understand why. I see Mr.Gidian side glance to Gordon before saying, no more questions your honour.

Out side the court I see Sandra talking to Chas, she's crying saying that she's sorry, she should have seen it earlier, that she would have gotten him out of there, Chas pulled her in to a hug not saying a word. They realise from each other as approach them, saying maybe after all this is over Aaron and Liv could be reacquainted, Chas says she thinks that would be good, Sandra looks down saying she'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All messasges and views welcomed


	33. The Trial Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's evidence is being shown in a closed court, so Aaron goes to speak to Jill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of rape and abuse, please don't read if any triggers

Chapter 33 - The Trial Part 2

 

3rd June – Trial day 3

Aaron -

 

It's my evidence today, only Robert knows that it has been recorded and why, DS Wise was true to his word, today is a closed court, mum kept asking me why, so I told her that I had asked for it, she got half of the truth anyway. She wanted to take me to the court house but I said I'd rather do it alone, instead knowing I'm not actually going to be present I made an appointment with Jill, so now here I am waiting to go in. I'm so nervous that my legs won't stop shaking, I've got my hands on my knees trying to make them stop at the same time as controlling my breathing, hearing my name I shot my head up to see Jill say come in Aaron.

Jill's room is neutral ground, over the time I've been coming here it's become a safe place, I know I can say anything to her and she will not judge me. Looking up from her notes she asks me how I feeling today, I tell her I'm nervous, when she asks me why I look down, playing with the sleeves of my top, thinking of what to answer. Finally I look her and back to the floor telling her that the recorded evidence is being shown today and theirs twelve people that have never met me before judging me, Jill asks me how I feel about that, shaking my head I say I don't know, it's like their seeing my weakness, seeing the scared child from back then. She asks me if my family are there, no I say quickly, she asks why, because it's a closed court and I don't want them to see it, again she asks why, I ask why what, she nods saying why do not want them seeing it. I close my eyes, all I see is Gordon standing over me, hand tight around my wrists pulling me closer to him, or pushing me down, depending on what his flavour of punishment was that day. Shaking the memories away, I tell her that there are things that I never told them, like what she asks, she can see my hesitation to the question, she tell me that this is a safe place and I can say anything I what here, or I can write it down if I wish. I say no, I need to talk about this, it's just I don't know how, how I got through saying it in that room, I didn't do well when I gave evidence, I throw up in a bin and the doctor insisted on us taking a break whilst I calmed down. Take your time Aaron, she says, taking a few deep breaths I tell her want it felt like when he pushed me down in the bed, holding my wrist over my head, I find myself rubbing my wrists as I speak, the pain as he enters me, I was biting down on the pillow because he told me to be quiet so I could scream into it, I pause for a second, I could feel ever thrust, hear every moan and groan he made in satisfaction as he told me how much of naughty boy I had been, that he needed to teach me a lesson in respect. After a while my screams stopped, I found myself focusing on something, anything else in the room trying to move my thoughts from what was happening to me. 

Tears are rolling down my face now as I tell her the one thing I've only told the police and the court. There where times, I say wiping the tears away with my sleeve, that he got bored of that, my breathing starts to become heavy, finding it hard to catch my breath, she waits before asking what did he do when he was bored of that Aaron. I look at her, I can't say it, I know I need to, need to say what he did but when I even think about it it feels like my throat is closing, Aaron she says, you don't have to tell me at this time if you don't want to. No, I say, I'm struggling for words, but I know I need to, wiping my eyes I look at the floor, he'd drag me off the bed, I gulp, force to my......my knees, and.......and tell me that the things that came out of my mouth where filthy and....and my mouth needed washing out, he had one hand still around my wrists and the other pulling my hair so hard I couldn't move my head. Then he.......he put his dick in my mouth and told me to suck, I'm holding my knees rocking back and forth as I talk now, he pushers in so hard I couldn't catch a breath , I can still taste it sometimes. I hide my head between my knees, completely breaking down, Jill sat next to me saying my name, I manage to lift up my head wiping my eyes on my sleeve again, I felt dirty and ashamed, I whisper. Can you tell me why you haven't told your family about this, she asks softly, sniffing I tell her that seeing their reaction to them knowing about the rapes, that I know that that it would have killed them even more than they already had, I couldn't do it, I don't want to put my shame on them, Aaron, she says, you have nothing to be ashamed of and maybe one day you will feel that you can tell them everything, but only when your ready.

She returned to her seat after a couple of minutes, asked if I wished to continue, I nod, is there anything in the recording that worries you Aaron, she asks, I nod again, can you tell me?. They are going to think I'm a complete mental case, she asks why, the defence brought Jackson up, how I assaulted him in the pub that night, they never gave me the chance to explain that that was what I thought gays did, that that was why I fought being gay for such a long time, why I tried to kill myself in the garage that night. I was so afraid of people thinking that that is what I wanted to do to a child, it was Jackson that got me though it, I'd never told him about my past, but he tour t me that it was Ok to be gay. I look at her straight in the eyes saying, then he called me a murderer, said that I forced Jackson to drink the drugs that killed him, because I'm a twisted human being who couldn't handle Jackson's condition. I'm not crying any more, I'm angry at that bastard of a lawyers words, I look down again saying, he even said I must have a problem if I cut myself, my lawyer Lisa, objected to a lot of what he said and the court was on my side. But Lisa asked me about the self-harm, why I did it, asked me if I would show the effects of what he did to me for the jury. And did you, Jill asks, I nod, that's the other reason I didn't want my family seeing it, Robert's the only one that's seen them all, they have only seen this, I pull up my sleeve showing her the long scar on my arm. 

 

It's been half an hour since I'd left Jill's office, I sat looking at the sky, watching the clouds form into different shapes, wondering what Jackson must be thinking about all of this, wondering that if I had just been more honest and spoken up about my past back then would he still be alive. The beeping of a horn wakes my from my thoughts as Robert pulls up, breathing out I headed for the car to go home, he told me that mum had gone to the court house to meet me and that she had called him, he told her that we had left through a side entrance, that I wanted some time on my own if she asks, I nodded and held his hand saying thank you, he smiled and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think.


	34. The Trial Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The forth and fifth day in court, Chas hears didn't know and is agnered when Gordons evidence is in a closed court

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self-harm

Chapter 34 – The Trial Part 3

 

4th June – Trial Day 4

Today in court is going to be bad, I can feel it in my bones, each day I have watched the jury, tried to read their body language to see what they are thinking, it looks half and half at the moment. The first witness called was Thomas Lang, I recognise him from the hospital, when asked his profession he said he was the clinical lead at the mental health liaison team at Leeds hospitals. They asked him about Aaron's mental health, his family gasped when he said that Aaron had been diagnosed with depression following a recent suicide attempt, Chas looked up at me as to say we need to get to him first and warn him before they see him. He spoke about the reaction Aaron had whenever Gordon was mentioned to him, saying that he became nervous and agitated, they asked him when was the first time he had met Aaron, January he answer, why they asked, Aaron was brought into hospital with an infected cut on his arm, and following the examination it was found that there was numerous other recent cut on his body. Did MR.Livsey speak to you voluntary, no he says, not at first, he was having severe nightmares crying out dad please don't, I'll be good from now on, he said reading the notes the nursing staff had made. When Mr.Livesy did talk to you about them where you alone with him, Ms.Taylor asked, no he says, Aaron's partner Robert Sugden was also present, Cain and Chas glared at me. The Judge called a recess, Cain pushed me against the wall outside the court room, explain yourself Sugden he ordered, releasing his arm as the a court official watched on, it was the only way I could stay there, I say, he didn't want any of you knowing and I didn't want him to be on his own. Chas grabbed Cain's arm before he went for me again, numerous cuts, they said numerous cuts, she says to me, I look down saying you need to speak to Aaron, it's not not my place to say, those where the last words between us for the rest of the day. 

The next the witness's where character witness's for Gordon, all saying what a stand up guy he is, that he will do anything to help anyone, giving him a glowing report until Ms.Taylor asked them would you feel safe leaving your children with him. The first one said yes, but the other two hesitated before saying no, Gordon stared at them, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. I know that Mark's information had been used to find the last two, from the things he found, it appeared that there may have been other instances that had happened in the past, that where never reported.

After the court was adjourned, I drove straight to the scrap yard to find Aaron, he was sat at his desk in the port-a-cabin, Adam said he has been like that for a while, not saying a word. Putting my hand on his shoulder to get his attention, he looked up at me saying, I already now, had mum on the phone, I knelt before him holding onto the table for support. You can can stay at mine tonight if you need to, I say, he nods saying he can't face them, it happens like that now, he stays when it's getting to much for him at home, so much so that he has spare clothes and medication at mine. 

 

 

 

5th June – Trial Day 5

 

We returned to the court the next day, only to be told that today would be a closed court due to Gordon's health issues, Chas kicked off big time, screaming he's not ill he's faking for sympathy, Cain and Lisa holding her back. My phone bleeped, taking it out I saw a text from Mark, saying to meet him outside, walking down the steps he beamed a big smile my way saying hello. I asked him what he was doing here, he said he was delivering some evidence on our case, if he is smiling like that it must be good, he said he couldn't tell me here, but if we met up later he would show me everything.

Later that evening Mark called round to mine, heading straight to the fridge, he pulled out a beer asking why it was non-alcoholic, I said I'm going t-total while the trial was on, he laughed at me calling me a liar sitting the table and chairs, the only furniture in the room. I asked him what did he what to show me, he took out an envelope from his bag and passed it to me. Inside where pictures, pictures of Gordon in the pub dancing, looking at Mark I asked when these where taken, he said that he might have followed him the last few weeks, pointing at one of them, one of Gordon running from his car to his house saying, this one I took last night after court. My smile widened, got you you bastard I thought, so how much is this costing Lawrence then?, I ask. He shook his head, on the house mate, you've gotten me out of a few scrapes in the past so figured I owe you, I hug him saying thank you. But you've never seen them got that, he told me, I simply nod, he looked around the room saying nice place, when it's finished, I say. After a week of hands on work with Aaron I had decided to quicken the work up and got people into do it, so now there was just the flooring to go down in here and the kitchen will be put in next week, all the other rooms are done. Where's Aaron, Mark asks giving me a look, talking to his mum, I say, she's wasn't to happy with him saying here last night, Mark looked thoughtfully at me, you love him don't you, don't go denying it, I saw how you looked at him in the pub that night, he says to me. I can't lie to him, never have been able to, I just look at him and give him a small smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> messages welcomed, thank you for reading


	35. The Trial Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the closing arguments bring more questions for Aaron's family

Chapter 35 – The Trial Part 4

 

6th June – Trial Day 6 – Closing Arguments

 

Aaron had spoken to Chas last night, telling her he couldn't handle so many people all at once and needed to some space, especially after what he had been told about Gordon evidence being in a closed court that day. She said that she understood, if that's what he needed then she was fine with it, well that's what she said, really she doesn't want him anywhere near me after the last two days in court, I think she thinks I'm trying to take him away from her because he talks to me. So again I head to court alone, while they all go together.

When the closing arguments began it was Ms.Taylor to go first, she stood up confidently looking over to the jury saying what Mr.Livesy put his son through was terrible, the abuse both mental and physical will stay with Aaron Livesy forever and that nothing will change that, but seeing justice done will allow him to move on from the private hell he has lived in for the past sixteen years. Through out this trial you have seen evidence to show how Mr.Livesy manipulated his son into believing he was not worthy of anyone loving or caring for him, at the same time as severe punishments of rape to control a an afraid and confused child, a child in his care. You heard from Sandra Flahery how Aaron's life went on downward spiral after these event took place, leaving him withdrawn, not wanting to be touched, afraid to go to his own bedroom a place where he should of feelt safe. You have also heard from Aaron himself, of the event that took place on those occasions, how his father would speak to him whilst they where happening, the physical force used to restrain him while these viscous rapes took place on a vulnerable child, may I remind the jury that both acts are considered rape by law. Both acts, I thought, what has Aaron not told us, I look down at Chas with questioning eyes, she's looking at me the same way, I shrug my shoulders mouthing I don't know. Ms.Taylor continued, There is is also the emotional and mental abuse to be considered, what Mr.Livesy did to his son has had lasting effects in him, it left a young homosexual man afraid of his feelings, thinking that that is what homosexuals do to the extent that Aaron attempted to commit suicide, push everybody in his life away as he felt he couldn't trust them. The most extreme physiological effect is self harming, not being able to cope with all the emotions he feels, coursing him to hurt himself because he believed he was worthless and that no one would believe him, because that is what his father told him over and over again. Mr,Livesy says this is an evil vendetta against him, that the real blame for his son's physiological health issue's are down to his mother leaving, I ask you this, how can years later, now having step-mother can Aaron still be afraid of his his own father?, I'll tell you, because his father raped him to keep him in line. After Aaron was had been told to leave the family home, why did his step-mother fear for herself and her daughters safety, so much so she left and changed their last names to protect another young child from a vicious evil man, and two character witness's who clearly said that they would never feel safe leaving their children alone with Mr.Livesy. These are facts of the case, this is the truth and nothing but the truth, thank you. She sat down looking over the papers in front of her, I watched the jury, some looked thoughtful, one looked I don't know, happy for a poor chose of words, he gave me the creeps.

The Judge had called a recess for an hour, I had gathered outside the court building to get a breath of fresh air, out of the corner of my eye I saw Chas talking to Cain, she was pushing him away, his face angry staring at me. Chas finally got him to go back inside and walked over to me, taking a deep breath I turned to face her, what did they mean Robert, she asked me, shaking my head I say I don't know what you mean Chas. They said both acts, what did they mean by it, he talks to you, he must have said something to ye, she's pointing at me as she says it, I don't know Chas, this is the first I've heard of this as well, I can tell she doesn't believe me so I say, he only told me about the rapes, if there was anything else he's not telling us then he must have his reasons, please Chas, you have to believe me. She looked straight into my eyes, her face softened believing me, so we talk to him after the trial is over, ask him out right. She says, no, I say to her, you know what a fragile state he is in at the moment, we have to let him come to us when he's ready, She nods after thinking about what I've just said, he may never tell us, but if that's what he does then we have to respect that too. She looks like she is going to cry again after what she had just heard, she doesn't push me away when I pull her in for a hug saying, it's not your fault, any of it, she sobs at my words.

When we came back into the court room it was Mr.Gidian's turn, standing he nodded at the Judge and then to Gordon, who had stopped the pretence of being ill after being in the stand, the evil glare back in his eyes every time he would look up at Chas. Chas beckoned me to come sit with them, to the dissatisfaction of Cain I sat next to her, Cain looking at me and Chas telling him to leave it. Our own situation ceased when Mr.Gidian began speaking, pointing to Gordon as he started, Mr.Livesy, a loving father, left to look after a troubled, out of control child after both he and his son had been abandoned by his then wife, Miss Chastity Dingle. He struggled raising his son alone, balanced work and time to be with his son, and yes he did discipline his son, with words, not harsh words and never physical acts. We heard Mr.Livesy tell us that when he met his second wife, Aaron became jealous of their relationship, for no other reason that he felt that he had lost his loving father as well as his mother. Then Olivia was born, again Aaron feeling abandoned for a third time, Mr.Livesy did everything he could to let Aaron that he was loved and cared for by both himself and his step-mother, but Aaron rebelled at all his attempts to be bought into the loving family fold. Instead he became involved in drugs, hanging about with the wrong crowd , finally physically assaulting his step-mother, causing Mr.Livesy to have to make a choice, he dismissed Aaron from that loving family home he had tried so desperately to bring him into. A choice that has come back to haunt him, vicious lies, the most vicious lies that will follow him forever, all because he chose the safety of his wife and daughter. We also heard of the violent acts that Mr Aaron Livesy had done in the years after he left the family home, beating up his then landlord because he found out Aaron was homosexual, then assaulting Jackson Walsh in public, who we know later became his boyfriend, only to die by Aaron's hand. I can't believe what I'm hearing, Aaron had said they were told that that was irrelevant to the case, the judges voice brought me out of my thoughts. Mr.Gidian may I remind you that anything related to the circumstances of Mr.Walsh's death have no bearing on this case, she turned her attention to the jury, all mentions of this is stricken from the record, do not take this into your decision. Mr.Gidian apologised to the Judge and continued. Now after seven years of not seeing the son that he loves so much and having recently recovered from cancer Mr.Livesy made the bold choice to reconnect with his son, only to be rejected by him. Can you imagine how he felt by not only by this rejection but also the horrible accusations that he would hurt his son in such a way, the fact that Mr.Livesy was reconnecting with ex wife made Aaron jealous and scared that he would be abandoned yet again. To sum it all up, Aaron was jealous of any one being with his father and if he didn't want him in his life then no one can, so he made up a story to make his own father feel abandoned just like he felt all those years ago, thank you. Mr.Gidian sat back down, Gordon gave him a nod smiling.

Chas looked livid, Cain held onto her arm as the Judge adjourned the court, instructing the jury to consider all the facts in the case and court will resume tomorrow at two pm.


	36. The Trial Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The verdict is in, it's a tough day for Aaron with his mind on two things.

Chapter 36 – The Trial Part 5

 

7th June - Verdict

 

Juror number six -

 

It feel like we've been in this room forever, going over the same thing again, I know where I stand on this, juror number two, a plumpish bloke is arguing that children make up shit all the time, everyone just stares at him. Another says how can he be making it up, we all saw the scars on his body, the way he reacted to the questions, that boy went through hell, juror number four fills his cup with water again before saying, and look at the pictures, this one, he picked up the one of the father running from his car continuing, this was taken after yet another collapse in there, it's obverse he's lying. It's going round in circles, about the sons violent past, him being kicked out by his father, his mental health issues, juror number eight spoke up again, his health issues are related to what his father did to him can't you see that, the grey haired woman said to juror nine. Look, I say , do each of us know were stand on this, they all nod, Ok so hands or balled? I ask, we choose balled and place them in a box. Once counted the forewoman of the jury asks are we all agreed, we say yes, so the forewoman knocks on the door telling the court officer that we are ready.

 

Robert -

 

It's past two o'clock now, what's taking so long, I'm nervous as hell and this waiting isn't helping, all I can think about is Aaron, what if they think he's lying, how would he take it. Chas comes running up to me saying their calling us in, I follow her in a panic to be stopped by a court officer.

 

Aaron -

I had rang the court yesterday to ask if I could be here, but was there a way of not being in the court room, they said yes and have set aside an office with a video link in it. It wasn't until I got here that I realised that I didn't want to be in here on my own so I asked if they could get Robert for me. He looked confused when I see him talking to the officer saying he needs to be in there as he's pulled away from the door, mum wondering what's going on. So I sit and wait on the most uncomfortable chairs I have ever sat in, my legs are shaking, I'm trying not to focus on him on the screen, instead I watch the jury take their seats. The door opens behind me, I close my eyes and smile when I see Robert, it's like part of the nervousness that's filling me drains away, Aaron, he says coming over to me. I had to be here for this, I tell him, no matter which way it goes I had to be here. I'm pacing back and forth waiting for the jury to speak, when we see the forewoman stand I stop, I'm physically shaking that much Robert has to hold onto me trying to calm me down, it doesn't help with what today is, I've been trying to push it to the back of my mind all day. Then we hear, does the jury have a verdict, the Judge says, yes, the forewoman replies. It feels like forever before she speaks again, my hand are sweaty, I'm thinking please,please say guilty. When the Judge asks what their verdict is I close my eyes, falling to my knees when I hear it crying, guilty on all counts, Robert holds me tight saying, you did it, you did it. We can hear the cheers from the gallery, it's at that point I open my eyes, looking at the screen, looking at him wanting to think, now that bastard is out of my life for good I can move on from the past, from what he did, but I can't I just feel numb. We wait till mum and everyone else has left before we go, not before Robert get a call from mum asking if he's seen me, I look at him shaking my head, I don't want her to know that I was here, he says no and will be straight back. We don't speak on the way home until I tell Robert to stop the car at the graveyard, he looks at me with worried eyes, I say I'm not going to do any thing stupid, I just need to see him today. It's then that he realises what today is asking if I want him to come with me, I say no, I need to do this on my own. I watch him drive off then walk over to Jackson's grave, I start to cry again when I tell him I'm sorry about last time I was here and that I will always love him, tell him about court, giving evidence and the guilty verdict, ask him why I feel so numb about it. Your numb because it hasn't sunk in yet, a familiar voice behind me says, turning I hug them the bond between us still strong, I heard everything, they says, in time it will get easier, just like with Jackson isn't that right my lovely boy, they says to the grave. Oh Hazel, I say sobbing as she tightens her arms around me

 

Robert - 

Everyone's in a panic when I get to the pub, Adam had text Chas earlier to say Aaron had disappeared and that he had tried every where, I had parked just past the graveyard after letting Aaron out and watched from a distance, he was talking to Jackson, then someone I had never seen before was there, they were hugging. I don't know why but I felt he was safe with her, Chas pulls me aside asking what happened at court, I tell her my car alarm had gone off and I didn't want to disturb them afterwards. She tells me he was found guilty, I give her a big smile, she surprises me with a hug, breaking it saying we need to find Aaron, I say that he is fine, that I saw him in the graveyard moments ago. She starts to panic, I know she's scared from what he did there so I tell her that he's not on his own, her look changes to wonder, so I remind her of today's date, oh my god, she says, with the trial and everything I completely forgot, she's a mixture of sadness and worry. Just then the door opens and Aaron and the woman from the graveyard walk in, Aaron, Chas says giving him a hug before looking at the woman with a sympathetic smile, Hazel, how are you, she asks her. Hazel, Aaron's mentioned her before, but I can't place when, she says to Chas she's fine, then steps over to me, throws her arms around me whispering, you must be Robert, thank you for looking after him, Jackson would be proud of ye, I look over to Aaron who shrugs his shoulders before being reluctantly dragged away into the pool of people waiting to congratulate him. Hazel let go of me, saying sorry I forgot to say, I'm Hazel Jacksons mum.


	37. Sentencing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how long will Gordon get

Chapter 37 - Sentencing

Hazel stayed in the pub that night, she and Aaron slid away from the crowd to a corner table, I could see Chas wanting edge over there every so often, only to be stopped by Paddy. I went to get a drink, asking Diane for a pint I couldn't help over hear their conversation. Chas was upset that Aaron didn't feel comfortable talking to her about things, Paddy told her that he will in time, and if they thought about it Hazel is on the outside of all this, so maybe he feels he can say things to her that he couldn't to us, Paddy paused, or their talking about Jackson, he said. I just don't get it Paddy, I'm his mum, and he talks to him, she points to me as I pick up my pint to walk away but turn to face them. What did I do now Chas? I ask her, she stares at me, Paddy saying to me, it's alright Robert she's just feeling a bit left out, she pushed Paddy telling him not presume that he knows how she is feeling. Chas turned her attention back to me, do you have magic powers or something, how is it Aaron goes to you with his problems and not me? Taking another large gulp of her drink, one to many I think, how do I answer her without hurting her already fragile feeling on the subject. Aaron must have seen the whole thing, coming over asking what's going on, Chas slurs out what she had just said to me, he looks at me mouthing sorry, then saying, come on mum we'll talk about this in the back, no, she says, we'll talk about in here and now, all this time you go to him, what about me, couldn't you talk to me. Aaron lowers his voice to a whisper saying, mum were meant to be celebrating tonight, from Aaron's face I can see he's not in the celebrating mood, mum, he continues, we'll talk tomorrow, I promise.

 

Aaron's been staying at mine all week, the day after the verdict he had gone to speak to Chas, that resulted into a full blown argument, he told me that she said that I was only after one thing from him. When he said that that wasn't true she brought up the whole affair and everything that went with it, Aaron got angry at that point saying at least he listens to me and have never judged me over anything I have to say to him, or tell me what I should be feeling. That was then, they haven't spoken to each other until now, stood in the middle of the street out side the court waiting to go in for Gordon's sentencing, I'm sorry love, she says to him, he gives her a small smile. The only thing he has said all day was that he was coming here, but when we called to go in he can't do it, so instead we wait out side the court room for Chas and Cain to come out, pacing back and forth watching for the door to open. I can see him scratching his hand as he paces, digging his nail into the flesh, I stop him sating his name looking down to his hands, he parts them allowing them to hang by his sides. Looking at him I can't tell what he's feeling, his tear filled eyes seem blank, so I ask him to tell me what he's feeling, he shrugs his shoulders saying, nothing and I mean nothing, I should be over joyed, ecstatic, but I just feel numb, he looks straight at me, why don't I feel anything, I should hate him, I do hate him but I......, the tears start to flow down his face, his eyes still empty. I don't know what to say, I've never been where he is, I go to say why don't you tell Jill all this tomorrow, see what she says, but as I start to say it the doors open, Chas come bounding over repeating ten years, ten years, Cain's even smiling as he embraces Aaron. We all leave together after Aaron had spoke to Ms.Taylor, thanking her for all her hard work, she'd said that he didn't have to thank her, she did get confused when he mentioned about her doing it for free, looking over to me and Cain, we gave her a look to say play along and she did.

 

Chas must have called ahead, because when we arrived at the pub it was full, the Dingles, including Zakk, the Bartons, Paddy and Rhona looking distracted and most of the village there to celebrate Gordon getting ten years. Aaron still seemed empty, void of emotion, he walked around greeting them all with a nod whenever any of them spoke to him, I was going to sit with him, but yet again got the look from Chas, so stayed at the bar alone, Vic working behind the bar pulled me a pint asking why I wasn't over there, I said he's with his family where he needs to be right now, she saw right through my lie, giving me a sympathetic smile before returning to the kitchen. A little later Lawrence stood next to me asking if I wanted a drink, I said yes thank you and he ordered me a pint, he asked how Aaron is, I answered numb, but I think he may explode at any time.

 

Aaron -

Great, this is not what I wanted, the pub was full to the brim, and it was all for me mum said, she knows I hate this, but you can never go against Dingle tradition, I've learnt that a few times. I want to go have a drink with Robert but I'm dragged away to do the family thing, where all I get is, oh ten years what a result, well done lad and the one I despise most of all, how do you feel now you can move on with your life. How do I tell them I don't feel anything, don't feel free, and here comes the same questions from a different person, then another. I glance over to the bar, try to stand to go to Robert only to be pushed back down. On top of that some idiot puts pint in front of me, I could just neck it down in one right now, controlling the urge to I push it away and ask for a coke. I see Robert talking to Lawrence, since when are they so friendly, I try to stand again to go over, but Marlon puts his arm around me, I'm starting to feel the first emotion I've had since the sentencing, it's anger, it's like I'm being penned in, I need air around me not all this lot. So when Marlon says ten years well done lad I loose it, YES, I yell angrily, the entire bar has their eyes on me now, TEN YEARS, HE GOT TEN YEARS AND I'VE GOT A LIFE SENTENCE, shoving Marlon's arm off me and run out the pub.


	38. You Know Why Were Both Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> were nearing the end now, just working on the last three chapters, hope you have all enjoyed

Chapter 38 – You Know Why Were Both Still Here

 

Aaron's life has started to settle into a routine, he gets up goes to work, still part time while as he has counselling twice a week, both make him feel drained. So by the time he gets home or to mine he eats and sleeps, usually whilst were watching telly or a film, his head on my lap, he still has the occasional nightmare. Waking up sweating, not so much crying any more but shaking, it takes a few moments till he allows me to touch him, some times he goes into the spare room for the rest of the night. When he has them in the pub then I get late night, early morning phone calls, I don't mind though, we talk about anything and everything other then them. Sandra's been in contact to asking him if he would like to build a relationship with Liv, he's keen about it but still unsure, as Liv at first blamed Aaron for Gordon not being in her life. When I asked him has he spoken to Jill about seeing her, he said yes and she had to take baby steps with his sister, meet in a neutral place at first and build up from there. 

That was a month ago, tonight I'm cooking for Sandra, Liv, Aaron and Chas, who flat out refused to begin with, only for Aaron to say that he needed this to build bridges with not only Liv and Sandra, but also between her and me. Aaron needs her to accept that we are friends, my heart sinks every time he says that, and he doesn't need the constant aggravation of her attitude towards me. I have no problem with Chas, she's looking out for her son, but the way she's been doing it is pushing them further apart, all he gets are snide remarks about me and every time he defends me to her, she refuses to listen to him, telling him what to do, in other words not to see me at all. Aaron lets himself in around six o'clock asking if I need any help in my finally complete kitchen, they did a good job, he says looking around, yeah, I say, it took them long enough. I see you used your key this time, I say to him, he laughs saying, what's the point in having it if I don't use it, and I thought you might be busy making a mess, I poke him in the arm for that. I tell him to check the pie for me as I sort the veg out then go grab us a bottle each from the fridge, handing it to him asking, your mum still up for this?, he give me a look saying, I'll keep her reined her in don't worry. 

They all arrive at the same time, so I leave them chatting in the living room, Liv wonders through to the kitchen looking at me like she is trying to figure me out, are you Aaron's boyfriend, she asks finally, I look at her shocked, erm...no were just mates, a stab of pain in my chest as I say it, she nods her head thoughtfully and rejoins the rest of them. She's still looking between me and Aaron as we eat, but you you want to be his boyfriend don't you?, I nearly chock on my food, Liv, Aaron says, eat your food will you, giving me an apologetic smile. Chas didn't take the question well saying that we are not going there again, that if we did it would be over her dead body, I ignore her asking if anyone would like more drinks as I walk to the kitchen, Sandra's having wine, a coke for Liv, Chas declined and I pick two bottles up for me and Aaron, which instantly got Chas calling me for everything thinking I was giving him alcohol, Aaron had to calm her down showing her the bottle. Through the whole evening I've said very little, left Aaron to talk to his sister and Sandra, they seem to be getting along, Chas is being off with me again so I don't say a word, only because I know if I did they wouldn't be nice. That was lovely Robert, Sandra said as I took the plates into the kitchen, better than last time you cooked a pie, Aaron said smiling at me, I smile back at him remembering the week at home farm, I've learnt to cook since then, who's ready for dessert, I ask watching Aaron blush. Cutting up the chocolate cake I saw Aaron giggle to himself, Aaron, I say knowing exactly what he's thinking, the last time we had chocolate cake we never used plates, instead ate it off of each other, I find myself giggling as well to the others bemusement. Chas was beginning to get angry, or was it jealousy from the interaction between Aaron and myself, I don't think we need you two reminiscing do we, she said, I turned my attention to Liv asking how was the food for you, fine, she answered. Sandra and Liv left first saying thank you for a wonderful meal, Aaron and Liv hugged before they went, now it's just me, Aaron and Chas, sat in a strained silence, I'll leave you two to it, Chas said breaking the silence before standing up to leave. You don't have to go yet do you mum, Aaron looked at me, Chas, I say, stay have a coffee, were all friends here aren't we? I ask hoping to break her icy exterior, you and me will never be friends Robert, she said walking out he door.

I sat at the bar with Aaron, it had been a good few weeks since the meal at mine and Chas still hates me, we ignored her stares carrying on our conversation, Aaron was telling me about his counselling session with Jill, from twice a week they had gone down to once a week and now every two weeks. Aaron said he was feeling a lot better but still had black dog days on occasion, when he does all he has to say is black dog and I know to leave things be. Aaron asked me if I wanted to go for a drive, muddling it over in my head I said yeah why not. Where are we going, I asked Aaron as he drove, you'll find out, he answered with the biggest smile I've seen him have in along time, he pulled in the lay-by and got out of the car. I think to myself, what are we doing here, I remembered the last time we were here, fond memories came flooding back to me as I stepped out the car to Aaron. He stood there deep in thought, do you know where we are?, he asked me, I smile as I nod, I've been thinking about things lately, and this whole mates thing, well.....it's not working and, I cut him off, you don't want us to be mates, why bring me all the way out here to tell me that, I don't know what I'm feeling, sadness mixed with anger. He steps closer to me, biting his bottom lip, I think you know why were both still here, he says looking deep into my eyes, Aaron, I say my heart racing, fingers itching to touch him, are you sure, I ask. His hands cup my face as he kisses me softly, I can't resist him and kiss him back, we pull out from the the kiss, our foreheads touching, I want to be with you, I love you,but...., he breaks our connection still looking into my eyes and continues, I'm ready to be with you as a couple, but you will have to give me time for other stuff, he says with a shy smile hoping I will understand. I cup his face with my hands now, wiping the tears that have began to fall, I love you Aaron, I say, and if this is what your ready for then I'm fine with that, we've got all the time in the world, bringing him closer, kissing him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos's, I'd love to hear you thoughts


	39. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert work on some issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two to go folks and I have a challenge at the end if you wish to play.

Chapter 39 - Boundaries

In the last month since he kissed me in the lay-by, Aaron been more content with our relationship, he did ask that we not say anything yet so he could find a way the that Chas, as it is we couldn't keep from kissing each other. We'd been sat watching a film in the back room of the pub, Aaron running his fingers along my jawline, concentrating on the one spot he knows gets me the most. Aaron really, I say, not here, anyone could walk in, I said as he continued, sitting up turning my head to look at him, I don't care, he said gently placing his lips on mine, running his tongue across my teeth. Opening mine our tongues tasted each other as everything around us become void, it was just me and him in our own special bubble, my arms wrapped around his back, his around my neck as he pushed me into the sofa, both of us moaning into each kiss. Your missing your film, Diane's voice burst our bubble, we both looked up shocked, should you not take it up stairs before you get carried away, she continued. Aaron sat up in a panic, I can see him thinking, knew what he as thinking, Aaron I say touching his shoulder, he flinches runs out the room and up stairs. I sit forward, my head in my hands, Diane asks is he alright, I shake my head, you can't tell Chas, he's trying to find a way to tell her, I said, I won't pet, but it doesn't explain his reaction, she said quizzically, he not ready, I whisper to her, I can wait till he's ready to, we've got this far and that's good enough for me. I understand, she said to me, now go see if your boyfriends Ok, I blush as she said it, hearing those words out loud making my heart skip a beat. Eventually we did speak to Chas, she wasn't thrilled and threatened me with violence if I ever hurt him again, but she would try to accept our relationship, I think Diane might had some thing to do with it, even Vic warned me that if I hurt him she will hurt me. Aaron spent most of his time at mine, but still lives at the pub, our nights spent playing gin rummy for points, he's three hundred points ahead, I keep telling him that I will catch up soon, he just laughed at me saying no chance mate. 

A few weeks later on a cold November Sunday morning I lay asleep, Aaron curled around my back, I'm just about awake when I hear his breathing change, becoming deeper yet unsure as his hand runs across my stomach moving down cover my boxers, Aaron, I say, he starts to rub cover the material, it so good but I have to be sure he's truly Ok with this. Turning so I'm laying flat on my back, I turn my head to face him saying you don't have to, I'm not ready for it, but let me do this for you, he said kissing me before I can respond, slipping his hand into my underwear. He traced kisses on my shoulder as my breathing settled down, that was most intense pleasure I have felt in a long time, not because it has been awhile but because it was Aaron doing it, the feel of his hand on me had sent small electrical shocks through my entire body wanting more of him, but he wasn't ready to be touched like that, so I let him take the lead and do whatever he wanted to me if that's what he wanted to do. I'm seeing Jill on Thursday, would you come with me, he asked passing me a coffee, sure, I said, I'll give you a lift, he only sees her once a month now, no, he said, will you come with me and speak to Jill as well, he said looking at the floor. Since then Aaron has stayed at the pub, I can't help feeling that I have done something wrong, I should have stopped him the other night, I knew he wasn't ready giving myself a mental kick. We've seen each other in the village and at the scrapyard, but he's distanced himself from me, I have royally fucked up this time, we had worked so hard to got to this point then I go and let him push himself too far, I should have stopped him I think to myself again.

He let himself in asking if I'm ready to go, I stayed sat down on the sofa for a moment before asking is he sure he wants me there, lowering himself in front of me, taking hold of my hands he says, yes I am, and I'm sorry I've been distant the last few days, I've had a lot to think about, please come with me. I don't know hows more nervous being here, Aaron not saying anything only giving me side glances as were called into the office, it looks welcoming, big comfy sofa, neutral calming colour walls, I sat next to Aaron keeping a distance between us. Jill says hello to Aaron and introduces herself to me, then asking how we are feeling today, Aaron can't look at me saying there are things he need to talk to me about, but doesn't know how to, she says maybe he should tell me what the subject is and go from there, I keep thinking that he's going to say that he doesn't want us to be together any more, the thought of it send daggers though my heart. Aaron takes a deep breath before he starts, sex, he says, it's about sex, he looks at me now, I want to have sex with you, make love to you, but I don't know how to approach you about it, that's why I asked you here today. Aaron, I say, you know I'll wait till your ready, how ever long you need, I'l........, he cut me off, I'm ready now, but there has to be boundaries, there are things, things........., he thinks before he continues, things that I don't feel comfortable doing. His eyes are welling up as he says, I want to do it all with you Robert, but not those things, I don't want to be put back there again, the tears falling from his eyes, turning my body towards him, I lift his chin till his eyes meet mine, you tell me what you don't want to happen and I won't do them, thinking about what had told me in the past I say, I know you don't like to be restrained, I won't do that, is there anything else. He looks at Jill panicking a little, I don't know what he's thinking, but from the look of him it scares him, so I change what I said, if at any time you feel unsafe you tell me to stop and I will, it doesn't have to happen tonight Aaron, when you feel safe, we will let it happen naturally, no pressure, no pressure I think I'd be happyly have a wank alone in the shower like I have done these past months if that made him feel safe. I can see him thinking about what I have just said, Jill asks me how I felt after the other night, I ask her how she knew about that, Aaron says he rang her about bringing me here for this. How I feel about the other night, I say playing with my hands, it was the most precious night of my life, I pause for a second, but it hurt that I couldn't give that pleasure back to you Aaron, couldn't touch you to show you how I feel about you, Aaron looks at me in amazement, I know it's not your fault, it's not Aaron, believe me, I can't wait for the moment you allow me to., your in control at all times. Ok, he said, there's one more thing, he closed his eyes before speaking, if I give you a....... blow job then your hand stay off me, they don't touch me, my thought go into over drive, then it hits me, the other act they had mentioned in court, oh god, no wonder he always held my hand to the side when we did that, Ok , I say.

It could have happened a few times since seeing Jill, he would give me a hand job here and there, moving my hand to his dick, only to panic and back off quickly saying he's sorry, tonight he seems different more confident almost, he had been to his December appointment with Jill today, I don't know what they spoke about but it's like some of the old Aaron is back. He worked his hand down my chest, taking hold and started stroking at a slow rhythm, his free hand took mine and placed it on his, I look at him to make sure, he moved my hand at the same pace as his letting go for me to take over, kissing me softly. We woke up, our bodies intertwined, he moaned into my chest as he started to stretch, you didn't mind last night did you? he asked nervously, mind what, I ask back, you know........bottoming, it's the only way for now, I lift his chin giving him a kiss, we can do that forever if you want to, he smiles and blushes. We lay like in each others arms for hours, Aaron, I say, can I ask you something, well two things, I've been thinking about it for a while, I say bashfully, mmmm, he says, I roll him to his back and lovingly look into his eyes, you don't have to answer straight away, just promise me you'll think about them, ask me already he said nudging my shoulder smiling. I bend over kissing him once, moving to one ear and ask the first question, he looks thoughtfully at me, moving to the other ear I ask the second, he looks shocked, you don't have to answer yet, but will to think about them, he pulls me down to a kiss, I'll think about them, I promise he said, oh, by the way happy anniversary of sorts, he said to me, I smile I hadn't thought he would remember, it the fourth of December.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Challenge time, what do you think the two questions are, answers will be given in the very near future. Thanks for reading.


	40. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert gets answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a short one, hope you enjoy

Chapter 40 - Answers

It's been a month and he still hasn't answered my questions, he said he has thought about them a lot, but isn't sure yet, I already have the response to the second one in my bedside draw. We have been busy though, Adam, Aaron and I have expanded the scrapyard, I've actually been working there full time for a few weeks, they just joked saying I wouldn't be able to hack it for that long, but I'm going to prove them wrong. Aside from that me and Aaron have a side bet going on, he said I couldn't last two weeks, which means I've won, so I get to pick a place for our date next week, yes a date, I surprised myself when I said it. He's been pestering me all day where were going, all I tell him is down our memory lane, picking up the basket of food dragging him out to the car. He resisted being blindfolded at first, but caved in after a bit, constantly asking where were going, so when I stop the car he pulls it off and starts laughing giving me a kiss, we get out the car and I say, well. You soppy bastard, he says to me, it's perfect, looking at the barn. I took his hand and pulled him inside, he took the basket of me putting it on the floor, embraced me saying, lets work up an appetite. It's been awhile since we've done that in here, he said wiping the sweat from his forehead, his other hand playing with my chest, well, I say smiling, are you hungry yet do you need to work on it a bit more, he rolled over straddling me.

Are lazy Sunday morning are me favourite, we stay in bed till we feel like, before going for lunch with Chas, yes she's seems to have mellowed towards me now, she said Aaron has been a lot better later. So much so they have lowered his medication, we all are seeing the old less grumpy Aaron from before, he still can't wait to have a proper pint though, I reminded him that after one he will be on his arse, he laughed saying it will be worth it. This Sunday seems to be different, he thoughtful this morning, turning to look at me, he says, yes, I look at him confused, yes to what, I ask, and yes, he says raising his eyebrows, it's only then I realise he's answering my questions. A huge smile spreads across me face when I ask him do you mean it, yes, he says, I reach over to the draw and pull out a box, handing over to him, I watch his reaction as he opens it and reads the engraving on it, I swear he's going to cry, only tears of joy this time.


	41. A New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's an important day for them both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last one, hope you have enjoyed reading as I have enjoyed writing this.

Chapter 41 - A New Life

 

I woke up bright and breezy, today was going to be the start of a new life, I looked around to see Aaron deep in slumber. Not if I got anything to do with it, bending over I began to stroke and tickle his back, making sure that I hit his more ticklish spots. He started grumpily laughing at the touch of my fingers, turning his head he hit me in the shoulder to make me stop. What time is it, he asked rubbing his eyes, time, I say excitedly, you ask what time it is, I put my finger to my mouth, it's time to start the rest of your life anew Mr,Livesy. I say bouncing on the bed, come on get up, I want to see you in your suit. He looked at the clock saying, we've got hour yet, let me sleep, lowering my head I whisper, who said it will be staying on for long, he look at me seriously saying, oh, you think your lucks in do you, then giving me a half smile, well you can wait for the suit, come here, pulling down to the bed. He turned on his side, the sun shone on his bare chest, no longer was he self con-sous about his scars when we were alone, pulling me closer until our lips meet. I moved my hands up cupping his face as our kiss deepened, both of us moaning into it.

Your out of milk ye muppet, he shouted through to the living room, entering the kitchen, I snaked my arms around his waist, pulling him tightly into my body,don't you mean were out of milk, I whispered in his ear, before nibbling his ear lobe, he leaned against me sighing, Rob....Robert, he says, we've already gone two rounds this morning, don't you think about anything else. Who's counting, I whisper, breaking free from me I give him my sulky, pouting face, he just looked at me saying no, oh well, I say, worth a try. We've been living together for a month, I am the happiest now then I ever have been, but today is the beginning of the future not just for Aaron, but me as well . Right time to get ready, I say holding his hands, ….are you sure you don't want to let the others come, this is something to be celebrated, you know with family and friend, he moved his hand to cup my face saying, just you and me and no fuss, but I say, were do we find......, he cut me off smacking my arse, then we'll pull them off the street. We walked to the building holding hands, nervous I asked him, ask me that one more time and I won't go though with it, I love you, you idiot, he said, I love you too, I say back.

So, it's done, I said holding the envelope excitedly in my hand, Aaron shook his head, still smiling with happiness, it's only a piece of paper Robert, it doesn't change anything, he said, what do you mean, do you regret it already, this changes everything, a new life, out with the old and all that, I say. I stop and stand in front of him, I wish you would have let the family be there, it feels wrong keeping it to ourselves, I say, you don't do...., I cut him off, I wouldn't of asked you or got you this to wear if I didn't, I say. Did you text them all to be here, Aaron sounded worried as we walked towards the Woolpack. Yes, I say, they'll all be here, Aaron took a deep breath saying ready, yeah, I say, lets do this Mr........, he drags me in kissing me, arhhh not yet, he says. We opened the door and entered the pub, our left hands in our pockets. The Dingles, Sugden's and Barton's and Mark, over the past few mouths he had really become a friend to Aaron as well, even if he would ask about are past history at times. They where all there, puzzled looks on their faces seeing us in our suits. I smiled and looked at Aaron to see if he was ready to give them the good news. Thank you for all coming............I.........erm, well.....we have something to tell you all, Aaron said to them, Victoria glanced us up and down trying to figure it out . Oh my god, you......., Aaron cut her off, now let me speak, then you can all have your say, he looked up giving me a loving smile, we could see them waiting, some impatiently so he continued, today with the help of the man I love I became a new person, they all looked anxious, today, he said pausing for a second, glancing to me, today, he repeated taking the paper out of the envelope, I became a Dingle, he shouts with glee, holding the change of name deed in one hand in the air, the other on the dog tags I had had engraved with Aaron Dingle on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tank you so much for the kudos's, if you have any ideas for an other one let me know.


End file.
